Can't v/s Won't - Should v/s Want - Azara Feroz Sayed

Came accross these wonderful insight in "Taming the Gremlin". This is a 20+ yr old book by Rick Carson which I belive is out of print now. Libraries should be of help. A new book is to be released next month.

This technique for managing the Gremlin, our inner critic, have been used by many over the years to help manage transitions, disbilities and disorders etc and yes can be used very effectively with kids - wouldn't it be awesome to grow as a child controlling thoughts that make you uncomfortable about yourself!!

This technic focuses on noticing or being aware of our thoughts and beliefs, especially the self limiting ones which are based on fear and out-dated information. Being aware of this inner critic, helps us to validate & correct the self limiting thoughts and beliefs. This ensures we are utilising all our natural resources to lead a happy - creative - life, by being in control of the inner critic, the Gremlin, rather than the Gremlin controlling us.

Please visit http://www.tamingyourgremlin.com/index.cfm for more info. I have included an overview of this technic at the tail end of this post.

When we say to ourselves, "I can't skate on ice", we are not accepting the responsibility. This may be an excuse that we have been using, for the fear of managing a change. These may be our inner fears, beliefs that we don't want to get out of. At times some situations might be valid like, "I can't grow tall at 80". When we say to ourselves, "I won't skate on ice", we take the responsibility for our limitation and is a very powerful statement. Ability to respond to life using our "true essence" - our natural resourcefullness - without interference of our self limiting beliefs - is Response Ability.

When we say to ourselves, "I should complete cleaning", "should" indicates that we are forced to complete the task - there is no motivation and you want to do it because the consequences of not doing it - are not desirable. When there is no motivation - the activity becomes stressful. But when we say to ourselves, "I want to complete cleaning", it indicates a task that we are committed to and will provide us pleasure - seeing it being completed.

Once we have practiced awareness, within ourselves, we can interpret statements made by others in our relationships, at work/family/friends, to understand them and help US - in a relationship it is always "US", as the fruit of it is going be shared by all those involved in the relationship. If one person changes - everyone touched by the person changes - the impact of these small changes are BIG!!

Some interesting thoughts on Gremlin Taming...
The theory of Gremlin-Taming says that each one of us has a Gremlin inside — a monster of the mind that keeps sending self-limiting messages and tries to squelch the natural resourceful person within. The Inner Critic voice is the persistent negative voice (or series of voices) that constantly and irrationally questions our ability, chastises us for our mistakes, downplays our accomplishments and wants us to stay firmly in our comfort zone at all times. This negative chatter in our mind, limits us from being happy and being the natural resourceful person that we are.

In the book, Inner Game of Tennis by Tim Gallwey, it is mentioned, Potential minus interference equals performance. Silencing the Gremlin's interference helps us to live life fully!! To arrive at solutions, our creativity and resourcefullness have more room to grow now - as we can now tap into more of our personal resourcefullness by not being limited - by our self limiting beliefs. The experience that we can be successful in resolving some of the life long issues increases our self confidence. This increased self confidence helps us in resolving all other life's challenges.

Refer http://www.tamingyourgremlin.com/media/Recording%2012-07.mp3 audio for learning how to be aware.

We all know our body changes every day. Our personality is a network of behaviours, that emerge from matrix of beliefs that we hold about ourselves. Our personality changes every day based on our responses to life - a.k.a.experiences. Our performance, preferences, body, personality, mind all change over time - with this ever changing aspects we are not defined by our thoughts, beliefs, bodies or personalities but by what is called by different names - our soul, spirit, and prana, re, chi, ki, God, true love, life

Our beliefs are opinions we are loyal to. We hold onto our beliefs which are based on our past experiences, past fears. These beliefs are not based on the natural, resourceful person that we are at this moment.

This is where the Gremlin comes in - the vile, viscious, bully in shadows of our own mind. The Gremlin uses our past experiences to hypnotize us into forming and living our life in accordance with self-limiting and sometimes frightening generalizations about us and what existence holds for us. Gremlin wants us to feel bad and convinces us to waste time reliving the past, worrying about the future and analyzing relationships between all sorts of people and things. I personally liked this thought and worked on it, if we think for more than 10 minutes - we are not thinking - we are ruminating - we are worrying!! When alone, I would spend hours in a trance, watching the beautiful moments of my life with my dear ones or worrying about the future. Being aware, helped me control my thoughts and guide them and use them for enriching my present. Using the time for praying for my dear ones. A personal testimony that it works!!

We get stressed up when we analyze things - simply noticing involves simply noticing - that is not predicting the future, undoing the past, analyzing or intellectually understanding anything - simply noticing needs effort but no stress - like watching a entertaining movie. We take the effort to notice - this effort helps us to develop ourselves while stress impedes our development. While working with the Gremlin simply notice - be aware of him - if we try to change the Gremlin - we build resistance and it will be deterrent to the process of controlling the Gremlin or Guiding our thoughts.

Trust in Self, is to have an optimistic and realistic belief in our inherent potential, both actualised and not yet actualised. The higher the trust in ourselves, the more likely that our performance, learning and fulfilment will reflect our true potential. As we become aware of the Gremlin - we will see that our Gremlin has no hold on us!!