See You At The Top - Managing Relationships - Azara Feroz Sayed

Step 2 of "See You At The Top" is Managing Relationship with Others

Notes from the book on Managing Relationship with Others

Ziglar introduces by stating the analysis done on 100 self-made millionaires - one thing came out to be common - All of them were "good finders". The could see good in other people and in every situation.

To drive this point, Ziglar narrates an interesting anecdote about Walter Haley - how successfully he managed his Warehouse Insurance business using the 'art of managing relationships' for maximizing loyalty and productivity.
Well, I met Walter Haley, and we just hit it off and started chatting. He said, "Zig, I've got to take you and let you see one of these mammoth warehouses." Well, we walked in. I didn't know there was that much food in the world much less under one roof. It was colossal. As we walked in the front door, Mr. Haley siad, "Excuse me for a moment, Zig." He went over to the switchboard operator; and he said, "You know, I just want to tell you what a delight it is for me to dial this number. You always answer so enthusiastically. I get the feeling that you're just there waiting for me to call." Well, the lady smiled very broadly, and said, "Why, thank you, Mr. Haley, I really appreciate that comment." He walked on through the door leading into the major portion of the warehouse and as we walked down one of the corridors, he said, "Excuse me Zig, I haven't met this gentleman." We stepped into this little office. Walter Haley stuck his hand out, and he said, "I'm Walter Haley, I know who you are, but we haven't met. I also know what you've been doing. Since you took over this department we've not had the first complaint. I just wanted to tell you how pleased I am with the job you're doing." Well, the man was very pleased. He said, "Why thank you, Mr. Haley, I do the very best I can." And Walter Haley said, "Well, that is excellent, just keep it up." We walked upstairs. He walked into his office, and he walked over with me to his secretary, and he said, "Zig, I want you to shake hands with the greatest secretary who ever sat behind a desk. My wife thinks she hung the moon and can take it down whenever she wants to. So, I'm asking you right now, please don't do it, I love the moon right where it is." Well, the secretary obviously beamed broad and said, "Well, Mr. Haley, uh, you sure are kind to say that and I obviously love your wife, an thank her for me too." We walked on into his private office iand there sat one of his men. And Walter Haley said to me, "Zig, shake hands with one of the greatest life insurance men to ever put on a pair of shoes." And the salesman said, "Aw, Walter, you're always saying things like that. And of course, since they're true, I obviously love hearing you say those things. Keep it up." The whole trip tooke about five minutes. But I'm here to tell you that there were four people who were dramatically affected that day. Now, let me share something with you which is critically important, and that's this. Walter Haley is a very sincere man. He is a very observant man. The compliments were from his heart; he ws not making small talk. He was communicating what he felt. When you do things like that, I can absolutely guarantee people will respond, and they will respond in a very positive way. When you talk about building relationships there is a magnificent way to do it. It's absolutely true. You can have everything in life you want if you'll just help enough other people to get what they want. Now what did Walter Haley want? He really wants those people to be friendly, and loyal and more productive. But had he been a conniver, had he said, "Well, now I can manipulate them by bragging on them and then they will be more productive." Let me tell you something. I'm talking about a philosophy. If you can use it as a tactic, I can absolutely guarantee you it will not work. If you think you can do something for somebody else and then later they'll do something for you that is ugly, that is manipulative, it absolutely will not work. But if you look for the good and find the good and compliment the good because it is true and because you're sincere, you will build a tremendous amount of loyalty. It's a philosophy. it is not a tactic. Be a good finder.

If we are looking at reaping the most reward in all areas of life - we should look for the good in every person and in every situation and adopt the golden rule as a way of life. We also know that we treat people as we see them i.e. to find "good" or "ability" in a person we have to look for it. Once we find the "good" or "ability" in the other person, we treat them better and he performs better. And after we have "found" the good, we must ensure we spread the word. "The way we see them is the way we treat them. The way we treat them is the way they often become". If we take a man as he is, we make him worse than he was, but if we see him as being the best person possible, then he, in fact, becomes the best person possible. This is true with every one - a smarter assoiciate, spouse, kids etc - everyone improves and we make progress with them too. The self-made millionaires knew - it is important that we "see" others properly.

Sincere Compliment is one of the most effective teaching and motivations methods in existence. Compliments may seem so much air, but like air we use to fill tires in our automobiles, they can really ease us along life's higway. A wise man said, "A lot of people have gone further than they thought they could because someone else thought they could". The greatest good we can do for anyone is to share their own wealth with them - inspire them to develop the "good" inside of them - as they will seldom see the talent in themselves. We should command "best effort" from everybody and the anyone on the team should feel bad about failure only if they haven't put in their best effort.

In the earlier post "Our Legacy How Much Backward Can We Go", we saw Helen Keller attributed her achievements to her teacher Anne Sullivan. Her teacher saw Helen Keller as one of God's special person. She treated her as she saw her, loved her, disciplined her, played, prayed, pushed her and worked with Helen Keller. Making it possible for Helen to influence millions! We get the best of others when we give the best of ourselves.

One person with a belief is equal to a force of ninety-nine who have only interest. If we build people mentally, morally, physically and spiritually, they will build the business on the same foundation. People need loving the most when they deserve the least.

Ziglar talks about how his daughter learnt to be the "Happy Girl" once they started introducing her as the "Happy Girl" to everyone.

Ziglar mentions about requiring his children to refer him and his wife as "Sir" and "Ma'am" as the children would feel more secure to have someone to respect as a parent rather than just a buddy. Feroz too strongly feels that parents should not be friends with their children but should behave as parents - to discipline them - as the children have many friends. Ziglar mentions many time about the need for discipling children. Will have a separate post on this.

Ziglar brings forward dozens of stories where people have been consigned to mediocrity by someone who "saw" them in an inferior light and treated them accordingly.

We need to look for the total ability of the person, develop more patience, compassion, firmness in dealing with them. Be analytical of what the person does and not so critical about the person. Criticize the performance - not the performer. We need to understand that an individual can do a lousy job or an individual can do a bad thing, but that does not mean the individual is a lousy individual or a bad individual. Failure is an event and it's not a person. Yesterday ended last night. Remember just because and individual did not do a good job on one thing, that really has no bearing on their value as a person. And if we can retain that value as a person in their minds, then their performance will become better and better.

In short, when dealing with people, give them lots of encouragement, but don't lie or mislead them by telling them they are doing well when they are not. Encourage them by letting them know that they can do better work. That their performance is not up to "their" standards. When their image changes so will their performance. Convince them they can meet "their" high standards of performance and they will!

Ziglar mentions about the need to mark the offender's account "paid in full" - if after breaking the law the offender pays the fine for his offence. This will help them restore their self-confidence. This is a problem with our society where even after the law offenders paid for their offence by "spending time in jail", we still look at them as law offenders - not trusting them . With the way we treat them, we forces them to - go back to breaking laws and "spending time in jail".

It is so true that our actions affect others either for good or bad, positively or negatively - many of whom we will never know. It is important to maintain a proper perspective and good attitude towards others.. We play a role in the life of each person we touch. As a matter of fact, at times, we may very well hold the key to other's future.

As per Ziglar, "Blind Loyalty" between couples is the key in managing martial relationships.

In the chapter on "Attitude" Ziglar narrates an anecdote relating to "Kicking the cat" which is very important in managing relationships

But Mr. B's a little different story. Mr. B. called a meeting, had all of his people together, and he said, "Now, this is a great company we have here. It can be even greater. What I'm going to do is I'm going to start assuming more of a leadership role by setting the correct example. I'm going to start coming in early; I'll start taking reasonable lunch hours; I will stay until the office is closed. In short, I'm going to be the role model that you need to follow." Oh, it was a wonderful speech. But, you know, sometimes how those speeches go, after a period of time you kind of forget all about it. The excitment and enthusiasm dies down just a bit, and that's exactly what happened.
Mr. B. was out for lunch one day; he forgot all about the time. Suddenly, he looked at his watch and he thought to himself, "Oh boy, I'm supposed to be back to the office in 10 minutes." He hopped up, ran out to the parking lot, hopped in his automobile, scratched off, burned rubber, doing about 90 miles an hour down the freeway and the long arm of the law entered the picture, gave him a ticket. Now, you're talking about somebody who was furious, Mr. B. was absolutely furious. He said, "This is absolutely ridiculous. Here I am a peaceful, tax-paying, law-abiding citizen, minding my own business. Maybe I was going a little too fast, but, they ought to be out here looking for robbers and murderers and reaaly the bad guys -- leave us peaceful, tax-paying, law-abiding citizens alone." Aw, he was really upset.
When he got back to the office, he was about 45 minutes late. And he did what some people have always done when they get their hand caught in the cookie jar, so to speak, they point yonder, so nobody will look at them. In a loud voice he called for a sales manager. He said, "Come in here, I want to talk to you about the Armstrong account. All I want ito know is a simple yes or no. Did you make the sale, or did you miss the sale?" And the sales manager said, "Mr. B. I, I hate to tell you this. I thought it was a done deal. I thought we had it signed, sealed and delivered, but at the last minute something happened. It came unglued. No, I did not get the sale."
Now, if you think Mr. B. was upset before, you should have seen him now. He just hit the ceiling. He said, "This is really something. here we had a chance to get this big account. We desperately needed that money to expand our product line, and I've been depending on you as my sales manager. You've been here 15 years, and you have a chance to really make a mark, and what do you do, you blow it. Well, let me tell you something. Just because you've been heres 15 years does not mean that you've got a lifetime contract. Now, you're going to replace htat business or I'm going to replace you."
You're talking about upset, Mr. B. was furious. But if you think he was upset you should have seen the sales manager. He walked out of the room, slammed the door behind him, muttering under his breath, "This is really something. For 15 years, I've been running this company. If it had not been for me, we would have gone broke years and years ago. And here, just because I miss one sale, he uses a cheap lousy trick to threatening to fire me. This is not fair." Aw, he was upset.
Called his secretary in. He said, "You remember those five letters I gave you to get out this morning? Have you gotten them out or, are you going to give me some lousy excuse for not having them out?" And she said, "Well, no, don't you remember, you told me that the Hedrick account took precedence over everything else? That's what I've been working on." If you think the sales manager was upset before, you should have seen him now. He just hit the ceiling. He said, "You've been here eight years, and you apparently think you've got lifetime security. Well, I want to tell you something. You get those letters out, and if you don't get them out, I'll get me somebody who can." Aw, he was really upset.
But if you think he was upset, you should have seen that secretary. She goes storming out that room. She slams the door behind her. She said, "This is ridiculous. Eight years I've been here, just because I cannot do two things at once, all of a sudden he gets upset with me, threatening to fire me, and I'm the only one who knows what's going on aroung here. Hadn't been for me, this company would have gone under years and years ago. And as far as him firing me, as much as I know about him, who does he think he's kidding?!" Aw, she was upset.
She went out to the switchboard operator's desk. She said, "I've got five letters, I want you to get them out. Now, I know ordinarily this is not your job, but you don't do anything anyhow but sit around out here and occassionally answer the telephone. I want these letters out and I want them out today. And if you can't get them out today, let me know. I'll get somebody who can." Aw, she was upset.
But if you think she was upset, you should have seen the switchboard operator. She about hit the ceiling. "This is ridiculous. I'm the only one around here who does anything -- who understands what's going on. They don't do anything in the back but gossip, drink coffee, every once in a while do a little work. The minute they get behind they come out here. They put it on my desk and they say, "Now if you don't get it done, we're going to fire you." And I'm the only one that understands that operation. Hadn't been for me, the company would have gone uder years and years ago." Aw, she was upset. But she got the work out.
She got home, walked in the front door, slammed it behind her. First thing she saw was her 12 year old son lying there on the floor watching television. Second thing she saw was a great big rip right across his trouser leg. She said, "Son, how many times have I told you, when you come home from school, put your play clothes on. Mother has a hard enough time as it is supporting you and paying your expenses and getting you through school. I told you to do it before and because you have disobeyed me, you're going upstairs right now. There's going to be no dinner for you this evening, and there's going to be no television for the next three weeks." Aw, she was really upset.
But if you think she was upset, you should have seen that 12 year old boy. He hopped up running out of his room, muttering under his breath, "It was an accident. Could have happened to anybody. I was doing something for my own mother, she doesn't even give me a chance to explain." Aw, he was really upset and about that time his tom cat walked right in front of him, which was a mistake. The boy reaches down, he gives the tom cat a big old boot, and he said, "You get out of here. You probably up to some no good yourself."
Now, let me ask you a question. Wouldn't it have been so much better if Mr. B. had gone directly from his lunch to the switchboard operator's house and kicked that cat himself? He'd have left all of those other people out of the deal.
Have you ever had a magnificent day? You get home an hour and a half late, you walk in the front door, whistling and singing and call our for your mate, "Hi, Hon, how you doing?" And your mate screams back at you, "How come you're so late? If you'd been putting up with what I've been putting up with during this day you wouldn't be so enthusiastic and excited. Now tell me, where have you been?" Can you understand it's got nothing to do with you? Somebody's been kicking your mate's cat all day long.
Don't be a cat kicker. Think it through. What kind of an impact will this have not ony on the person I'm dealing with, will that individual go down the line kicking cats, and affect the productivity of everybody else.

The "Dream Employee" is completely dependable, totally honest, always on the job, completely willing to follow instructions, extremely brilliant and capable, very pleasent and agreeable, and more than willing to work for room and board on a lifetime contract. The performance of the "Dream Employee" depends on his treatment. If we are courteous and thoughtful, he will work long and hard. If we are rude and inconsiderate, he grows stubborn and grows stubborn and rebellious. Brag on him; tell him how bright he is and he will perform brilliantly. Call him lazy, stupid or irresponsible and he will rebel. Tell him you love and respect him and he will stay up all night solving your problems. Fuss at him and tell him you don't love his and he becomes so frusterated he can't give you the time of day.