See You At the Top - Attitude - Azara Feroz Sayed

Attitude is the fourth step on the Stairway to the Top

Ziglar introduces this step by saying our attitude is more important than aptitude for being successful. We can alter our lives by altering our attitudes. The difference between accomplishment and failure is having the right mental attitude.

Unfortunately, only 10% of our education is directed at our "feelings" or attitudes while 90% of our education is directed at acquiring facts and figures. The 10% too is directed at athletic events such as band, pep, squad, cheerleader etc. A Harvard study revealed that 85% of the reason for success, accomplishments, promotions etc. were because of our attitudes and only 15% because of our technical expertise i.e. we are spending 90% of our educational time and dollars on developing that part of us which accounts for 15% of our success. We spend 10% of our time and resources in developing 85% of our success.

Feroz's college in India was the only college that I had heard of offering soft skills trainings starting from graduate levels. I had heard about the founder of the college, Mr Doreswamy, being a visionary and these programmes as part of student development activities just put a stamp on it.

View Ziglar's video on attitude http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cRMogDrHnMQ

To illustrate how attitude affects in our life, Ziglar says, If we study for grades, we will get them. If we study for knowledge, we will get even better grades and considerably better knowledge. If we strive to make a sale, we will probably make it. Strive to make a sale in such a way that we build a career, we will sell more and will build our career in the process. If we work for salary, we will get one. If we work for the betterment of the company we represent, we will not only get a bigger salary but will also get personal satisfaction as well as respect from our colleagues.

Attitude is contagious like flu. If we want to catch the right mental attitude, we have to go where the right attitude exists. Starting with right people. If people are not available then use a book, exciting seminar, recording of a dynamic speaker. Our mind is like a garden. Between planting and harvesting there is a tremendous increase in the number of beans. Whatever is planted - it is multiplied. Every action we take and every thought we put into our mind is going to have its effect. Ensure we make positive deposits in our mind. Whatever we put into our mind is going to come out of it. A positive attitude will have positive results. Or history teaches us how people fell victim to the idealogy that was forced on to their mind by one man!

Ziglar refers "Hardening of the attitudes" as the most deadliest disease (attitude issue) that sends more people to an early grave, creates more drug addicts, alcholics, breaks up marriages, causes more unemployement and causes more crime than all other attitudes put together. There is a vaccine available which is free, painless and provides additional benefits (such as raise from the boss for protecting himself and his fellow workers from this highly contagious disease, improvement in mental and physical health, zest for living, improves relationships with all even with strangers, improvement in job performance etc). With so many benefits to reap, it is difficult to understand why anyone would not take the vaccination against "Hardening of the attitude" i.e. to work on developing the right mental attitude. Failures think successful people are positive because they earn $250,000 a year. The reverse is true, Successful people earn $250,000 a year because they have the right mential attitude.

#1 - Developing Enthusiasm for all that life has to offer is step towards developing right mental attitude. Psychologists have long known that we will be enthusiastic if we act enthusiastic. If we assume a trait of characteristic - then eventually it will grab us - we will possses it. e.g. Singing (in the shower - bath right) - we do not sing because we are happy but we are happy because we sing. We can't be negative at the top of our voice. On the same lines, we do not stop working and playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop working and playing. Develop alternative signs, symbols for negative things like "go light" for "stop", "red", "traffic" light - when we use them - we will smile at ourselves and our attitude will change while we are waiting at the light. Refer "having cold" with reference to "having warm on other days", Refer "weekends" as "strong end" - a few tips to help us change our attitude. A day is a miniature lifetime, and with lot of good days, we have a good life. The difference between a good teacher and great teacher, good mother and great mother, good speaker and great speaker is enthusiasm. Real enthusiasm is not a "put on" or "take off" to fit the occasion. It is a way of life. It is an outward expression of an inner feeling. Loudness is not necessarily an indication of, enthusiasm. Enthusiasm is "on call" 24hrs a day for us, we will have to use it! An attitude of enthusiasm, provides an effective frontal assault on one of man's greatest stumbling blocks in the climb to the top of the stairway, namely, procastination!

#2 - Always keep in mind, Success is not about comparing with other's success. Success is, measured by comparing, what we could have done with the ability God has given us

#3 - Learn to laugh at self as the person who can't laugh at self can't tolerate someone else laughing at him. It is a sign of emotional maturity and stability to be able to laugh at self.

#4 - Set your sail for Success, be prepared to make minor adjustments in the course, if there are any - Our direction determines our destiny. On our way to success, there are going to be numerours diversions and occurences over which we have no control. We can't predict for certainity what things stand between us and our destination. When something throws us slightly off course, it isn't necessary to go all the way back to the original departure point, make a slight adjustment and proceed towards the destination.

#5 - Satisfy Mental Hunger - From our neck below, very few people would make more than a few hundred dollars a week. From the neck up, there is no limit to how much an individial is worth. We feed the part below the neck everyday. We need to feed our minds, the part that has no limit to its value, earning and happiness potential. Instead of feeding to happen accidentally, occasionally due to the excuse of "lack of time", we need to take time-off to feed the part which has no ceiling to its potential as we take time-off to feed the rest of our body. We need to spend time and money of dressing the "inside" of our head.
Giving the analogy of greens to bring out the importance of attitude of learning, Ziglar says, as long as the vegetables are green, they are growing, but when they get ripe, they start to rot. As Peter Drucker expressed, "Knowledge has to be improved, challenged and increased constantly or it vanishes". Our production capacity will go down if we don't sharpen our axe.
In every field of endeavour - those who are headed for the top are the ones who regularly show up fo seminars at their own expense. They read books. They deliberately seek information to grow. They transform "dead" time that is spent in fighting traffic to "live" time by listening to educational audio information that will give the mental and emotional advantage in today's competitive world. Ziglar refers to this learning as learning in "Automobile University". The learning that happens on the drive from home to work will help you start your day with energy as your brain's neurtransmitters are in action already. When you are moving - listen. When you are seated - read. Our mind like the body must be constantly nourished. Nourishment must be physical, mental, spiritual
Ziglar brings about an interesting idea, the Indian didn't have the word "stutter" and so there was no Indian who "stuttered" as there was no way an Indian could picture "stuttering". Research has proved that bigger a person's vocabulary, the bigger the income. Try to improve your vocabulary conscioulsy. Refer earlier post "Donate Rice to Improve your vocabulary". Remove the word "hate" and replace with "love". Don't think about "prejudice". We need to change our mental diet and eliminate negative input.
#6 - Use the power of subconcious to strengthen our attitudes - We know that whatever we learn, we learn consciously. But when we do it subconsciously, we do it well - like learning to drive a car consciously - to driving a car subconciously. Learning to Type conciously and Typing unconciously. Every musician, went through the process of painfully learning consciously (people avoided listening to them) when the musician plays instinctively, subconciously - then everyone wants to listen to him. Once we learn to do something consciously, we can move it to the subconcious and do it well. The subconcious has unlimited potential and storage capability for all the information that we feed it. Since the subconscious mind never sleeps, we have extra learning and motivation time while our conscious mind sleeps. "Don't take your problems to bed", is wrong, as we go to sleep, we should thank God for all the blessing and turn the question to him. Let the unconscious mind work on it. Instead of doodling - start writing "I Can, I Can, I Can..." and then spell out specifically what we can achieve or write "I will, I will, I will..." and then spell out the goals - these will be etched on the subconscious - making sure we are sailing in the right direction. Once our right mental attitudes are in auto mode, we will instinctively and automatically react positively to the negative situations (diversions on our course to Success) we encounter in life.
The changes we bring in ourselves could have one of the following motivations
- "fear" - fear of losing something - e.g. losing a job". This motivation will work only in specific situations where there is fear of losing something.
- "carrot" - reward for accomplishment - e.g. a bonus. This motivation won't work once the participant moves into "comfort zone"
- "internal" - Motivation by changing the way we think about ourselves and our circumstances.
The "internal" motivation for developing the right mental attitude and embedding the right mental attitude in our subconcious will help us react positively all the time!

Most of the men who were moving to the top were not "paying a price". They worked hard becuase they truly enjoyed their careers and the work involved. The top people in any field get involved in what they are doing, become engrossed, dig in, and their success comes because they love what they are doing. They choose to spend those hours at their work. They have a job but most importantly their job has them. In short, they have a tremendous attitude, which often changes a job from drudgery to pure joy.

For our employer to pay us more, we need to make ourselves more valuable to him - by extra effort - extra loyalty - extra enthusiasm - extra hours and by assuming extra responsibilities. These steps gaurantee job in hard times and raises and promotions during bad times

We can't tailor-make the situations of life but can tailor-make the attitude to fit the situations in life in face of "hopeless" situations. The only people who do not have problems are those in cemeteries. If we have problems, it simply means we are alive and the more problems we have we are more alive!
Step 1: Most of us let our conditions control our attitudes instead of using attitude to control conditions. If "things" are good, our attitude is good. If "things" are bad, our attitude is bad. If we have a strong attitude foundation - our attitude will be good inspite of how good or bad "things" are. How we handle negative situations like "Kicking the Cat" (refer earlier post on "Managing Relatioships") will largely determine our success and happiness in life. We should be like the leaky tire. A defeat should take something out of us and deflate us a bit. If we don't deflate, it is a strong signal that we didn't mind losing but also that we weren't emotionally involved in wanting to win. Remembering that - if we learn from defeat we haven't really lost - will ensure we move closer to being the winner - as each attempt of defeat teaches us - "what will not work".
Step 2: There are seldom, if ever, any "hopeless" situations, we lose hope in face of some situations.
Step 3: We have to remember that the "hopeless" situations are temporary
Step 4: Set the time-limit on how long we plan to stay down. The reason in when we are down, we are likely to reject many valuable ideas. When we are down in dumps we are more likely to concentrate more on the problem than on the solution.
Step 5: Get up! We are once again emotionally up and riding high. Our imagination will be in high gear and we are considerably more responsive to positive suggestions of our capability. We are solution conscious instead of problem conscious. We will be specialist who isn't overwhelmed with the problem and is interested in finding solutions. We are responsive to good ideas and more likely to act on those ideas. And our performance will soar!

Some interesting points
* Smile is one little curve that sets lot of things straight
* Good things happen to people who expect good things
* We ourselves can use our potential - what a responsibility!
* It is not the situation, but the way we react to it that's important. It is the attitude shown in unpromising or negative situations in life. It is shown in the attitude of two men who had polio. One became a beggar and the other Franklin D Roosevelt. What happens to us is not the most important thing - with discipline, dedication, determination and desire, we can respond positively and enhance our chances of victory.
* Failure road is cluttered with people - trying to explain to anyone willing to listen - why something cannot be done
* Successful people capitalize on "What they are" rather than "What they are not" and the positive qualities of patience, humility, dependability, confidence, understanding and belief
* Our major problem is not lack of resources but lack of resourcefullness.
* Happiness is not pleasure it is victory!
* Desire is the ingredient that enables a person with average ability to successfully compete with those who have far more. Desire is the "extra" that makes the little difference and the little differences make the big difference in life. Desire is the difference between the average performer and champion
* Success is determined by taking the hand you are dealt with and utilizing it to the very best of our ability
* Less than our best efforts has us saying "If Only"
* Doing our best is more important than being being the best
* Rewards in life are due more to our behaviour than our birth
* When we sow an action, we reap a habit; when we sow a habit, we reap a character; when we we sow a character, we reap destiny
* Ability can take you to the top, but it takes character to keep you there
* Success and happiness are not destinations. They are exciting, never-ending journeys.
* If we build our people, our people will build the business
* Give employees the reason for doing things - they will feel they are part of the project and not just employees following orders. Results would be better.
* We acquire the characteristics of the people we associate with on a steady basis but we also become immune and desensitized to the noise and odors or our environment
* All bad habits, trends etc start slowly, quietly and apparently harmlessly. Before we know we have the habit, the habit has us. A slight concession in habits leads to bigger concessions until eventually the bad habits become a way of life
* When a 200 pound craves for cigarrete (1/10th ounce) - wish we were creatures of logic instead of emotion
* The chains of habit are too weak to be felt until they are too strong to be broken
* We build our character from the bricks of habit we pile up day by day
* When we acquire "tough" habits, they become "fun" habits, especially when we remember that doing the tough things today will prepare us to do the big things tomorrow
* Get any good habit and you get an automatic bonus in form of additional good habbit due to the discipline and confidence that you have gained in the process of building one. After some time we will not be working for the habits but the habits will work for us.
* Good habits are hard to acquire but easy to live with. Bad habits are easy to acquire but hard to live with
* Parents feed children - love, obedience, faith, integrity etc
* Teacher feed children - honesty, patriotism, persistency, attitude etc
* Professor feeds - goal setting, character, co-operation etc
* Employer feeds - loyalty, total effort, dedication etc
* "Carrot motivation" - In the picture of the donkey pulling the cart. In this picture, the carrot is dangling in front of the donkey. When the donkey walks towards the carrot, he pulls the cart. There are several factors that must be present for this motivation to work. The cart has to be light enough, the stick holding the carrot must be short enough, and the carrot enticing enough to get the donkey to do the job. Experience teaches us that we must permit the donkey to take an occasional bite of the carrot in order to keep him from being discouraged.. Otherwise, he's going to feel he is involved in an excercise in futility and will quit trying for the carrot. When the donkey gets the bite of the carrot, he satifies his appetite. When he's no longer hungry, some adjustments must be made. For example, the stick must be shortened, the carrot sweetened, and the load lightened if the donkey is to be motivated into action. Eventually, the process reaches a stage where it becomes impractical. The rewards or incentives are so high that the profit is removed from the picture and the program grinds to a halt or in the occassion the participant reaches a "comfort zone" and doesn't need - or want - more comfort or carrots. The internal motivation is a lasting motivation - Work on getting that ignited for self and others!

See You At The Top - Goals - Azara Feroz Sayed

Goals is the Third Step on the Stairway to the Top

J.C. Penney's words, "You give me a stock clerk with a goal, and I'll give you a person who will make history; but you give me a person without those goals, and I will show you a stock clerk.", brilliantly bring out the importance of Goals. We don't "pay the price" for acheiving goals we enjoy the benefits of acheiving goals exactly like we don't pay a price for good health but we enjoy the the benefits of good health. We don't pay the price for success, we enjoy the benefits of success. We pay the price for failure!! Also, important to remember is, What we get by reaching our goals is not nearly as important as what we become by reaching them.

Ziglar talks about series of experiments with some "processionary" caterpillars, so named because they follow each other in a procession. They lined them around a flower pot until they formed a never-ending circle. And they started going round and round and round. In the center of the flower pot was some pine needles which is one of the foods of the "processionary" caterpillar. 24 hours they went round and round, then 48 hours, then 72 hours, on and on they went. For 7 full days and 7 full nights they went round and round until they literally dropped dead from starvation and exhaustion. With an abundance of their favorite food 6 inches away they had starved to death because they confused activity with accomplishment. Many people make the same mistake and as a result reap only a small fraction of the harvest life has to offer. Despite of the fact that untold waelth lies within reach, they acquire very little of it because they blindly, without question, follow the crowd in a circle to nowhere. They follow methods and procedures for no other reason than "it's always been done that way". Unless we have definite, precise, clearly set goals, we are not going to realize the maximum potential that lies within us. We will never make it anywhere in life as a "wandering generality". We must be "meaningful specific".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ae-VJ_lauCw - Has three part video of Ziglar on Goal Setting. The ideas mentioned in the videos are not covered in this post. Don't miss it!

As always, Ziglar talks about a interesting story to introduce a beautiful way for managing our time effectively, to help us work on our goals - since lack of time is an excuse that is used often for not working on Goals. Imagine we receive an offer to take a three-day all taken care of trip for two to Acapulco - and the trip starts tomorrow. Since we don't want to let this offer go by, we list down tasks and prioritize tasks that MUST get done in the next three days. We delegate those responsibilites. And we are ready to take the trip next day. If we want anything badly - we must make it our goal and work towards getting to it. Why don't we go to Acapulco everyday? Why don't we list down the things that we need to do in the next three days. Then act as if we had only one day to do three day's work. This will also force us to put our "Thinking Cap" on. We will use our mental capacity to think, plan and delegate before we start working. Our life will have a direction. It is not lack of time but lack of direction which is the problem. We will move from a "wandering generality" to a "meaningful specific". Ziglar implores on each of us to use this tactic to do more in the next 24 hours than we normally would do in the next several days. We should be arrested for murder for "killing time". Though Goals need to be Long Range, to help us overcome any short range frusterations, Our daily objectives are the best builders of character. This is where dedication, discipline and determination matter. Here we take the glamour of the big, long-range goal or dream and get right down to the nitty-gritty of foundation building that will help make certain that our dream becomes our destiny. Daily habits build a solid character foundation which supports all significant long-term success. Everybody's daily goals should be to do the best they can today while preparing for better tomorrow. The future is the place where we are going to spend rest of our life.


The reason only 3% of American people commit their goals to paper is
1. They have been told about Goal Setting but never been "sold" on the benefits of Goal Setting.

2. Lack of knowledge on the process of Goal Setting. To bring out the importance of setting specific goals Ziglar gives this wonderful analogy. If on the hottest day in the world, we take the most powerful magnifying glass and some newspaper clippings. If we hold the magnifying glass over the newspaper clippings, even though we magnify the power of the sun through the glass, we will never start a fire - if we keep the glass moving. However, if we hold the glass still and focus it on the paper, we harness the power of the sun and multiply it through the glass and we can start a fire. No matter how much power, brilliance or energy we have. If we don't harness it and focus it on a specific target - we will never be able to accomplish as much as our ability warrants. "Lot of maney", "nice house", "high paying job", "more education" are general targets and not specific goals. We need to have clearly defined, specific goals. http://www.yesican.net/lessons/acheiver/goals/GOALS.doc has a template to use for goal setting. http://www.goals-2-go.com/articles/zig-ziglar-goal-setting.htm has things to keep in mind while goal setting.

3. Fear of not reaching their goals - F-E-A-R means False Evidence Appearing Real. Several years ago a young Cuban hijacked a plane to Cuba with a bar of soap. Was all he had. He put the soap in a box, he said to the captain of the aircraft, "This is a bomb, let's go to Cuba." They went to Cuba. The evidence was false, but it appeared real and consequently they acted accordingly. Now, tomorrow morning I get on a plane as I do an awful lot of the mornings and I'll be headed to Dallas, Texas. Now, I recognize the fact that when I get aboard that plane there's a certain amount of danger involved; as you know, some planes do come down an awful lot faster than they go up. There's a certain amount of danger for that plane. But let me tell you something fascinating. There's even more danger for that plane if it stays of the ground. Did you realize that an airplane will literally rust out sitting on the runway faster than it'll wear out flying in the air? That's what airplanes are built for. You see, there's a certain danger in setting goals; but there's an even greater danger if you do not set those goals. Many years ago, Oliver Wendall Holmes, who was a brilliant writer, a very famous jurist, an inventor, an unusual man, put it this way: "The greatest loss in our society is not the waste of our natural resources, though that is great." He said, "The great loss to society is the waste of our human resources simply because we do not recognize our own ability and then aim that ability in a specific direction." Yes, there's a certain amount of risk in setting goals, but there's even more risk in not setting them. The risk comes from the fact that, truthfully, you might not reach your goal and then where are you going to be? You might be a little embarrassed about it; but let me say it again, the risk is infinitely greater if you do not set them because you will be unable to use the incredible ability which you have.
It is safer for a ship to be in a harbor or a plane to be on ground but that is not what a ship or plane is meant for. The Ship or Plane would rust much faster if they stay in harbor or on ground. The risk is greater when we don't set goal. Just as ships are meant to sail in seas and planes to fly, we too are created for a purpose. We are here for a reason. Goals enable us to do more ourselves and others.

4. Poor Self-Image. They don't think they deserve the good things life has to offer, so why bother write down. The way we see life will largely determine what we get out of it. Take a bar of iron and use it for a door stop and it's worth a dollar. Manufacture horse shoes from that bar and they are worth 50$s. Take the same basr of iron, remove the impurities, refine it into fine steel, manufacture it into mainsprings for precision watches and it is worth a quarter of a million dollars. The way we see the bar of iron makes the difference. The way we see ourself and our future makes the difference. We need to have a big goal. Booker T Washington said, "Measure the size of accomplishment by the obstacles that had to be overcome, to reach the Goals".

Goals can be negative if one of the three conditions exists
1. If we don't believe that we are the architect of accomplishment and that "luck" is not involved
2. If Goals are unrealistically big
3. If they are outside our area of interests

A Goal properly set is partially reached because it is strong statement of our belief that we can and will reach it. Success is easier after we believe! Once we have arranged our goals in the order of their importance, we should list the obstacles that stand between us and our objectives. If there wasn't anything between us and our Goals, we would have already achieved our Goals. After we have listed our obstacles, we can formulate a plan to overcome them and set a time schedule. As we all know, if we have properly identified a problem, we have it half solved. Overcoming the obstacles becomes easier and faster once we have identified them. As we overcome obstacles on our way to one goal, the obstacles on the way to other goals become easier based on the confidence gained due to overcoming the obstacle. Confidence is the handimen of success.

If we keep our eyes on the goal, the chances of reaching the goal are immeasurably better. A Goal casually set and lightly taken is freely abandoned at the first obstacle

Ziglar talks about a saleman who planned and met his Goal of being the best performer in the company. Ziglar mentions that he acheived this by working harder and smarter. The saleman applied the principles of Goal Setting and Goal Reaching

• He maintained records to find out where he was
• He committed to paper the goals he wanted to achieve on a yearly, monthly and daily basis
• He was very specific in defining his Goals ($104,000)
• He set the goal big - but reachable - to create excitement and challenge
• He made the goal long range (one year) so he would not be overcome by daily frusterations
• He listed obstacles between him and goals and formulated a plan to overcome the obstacles
• He broke the goals into daily increments
• He was absolutely convinced he would reach his goals
• He visualized himself as already reaching his goal. If we want to reach our goal, we must "see the reaching" in our mind before actually arrive at our goal.
• He organized his time and learned the value of a minute. He found that 10 minutes here and 20 minutes there soon add up to one to two hours per day. This was eight to ten hours per week. 400 to 500 hours a year! He discovered that everyone doesn't have 60 minutes in an hour, 24hrs in a day, or seven days in a week. Each man only has as many minutes, hours and days as he uses.

To illustrate the importance of "Defining Goals" and "Believing" and "Visualizing" them, Ziglar brings out the analogy of torpedo. When the torpedo was aimed at the target and fired, it would establish a "fix" on that target. If the target moved or changed directions, the torpedo would change its direction. Interestingly enought the torpedo was designed after the human brain. Inside our brain there's something that enables us to "zero in" on a target. Even if the target should move, or we should be side tracked, once we have gotten our "fix", we will still hit the target.

Similar to the ideas mentioned in "Law of Attraction" (refer earlier post "The Secret"), Ziglar says that once we define, believe and visualize our goals, the unseen forces inside of us start "putting it all together" and propel us towards destination.

We need to be flea trainers - the flea trainers are not influenced by the SNIOPs (Susceptible to the Negative Influence of Other People) of life. You can request for the "Flea Training Certificate" by sending a request along withan 8 1/2 x 11 self-addressed envelope stamped with two firsr-class stamps to : Ziglar Training Systems, 2009 Chenault Dr., #100, Carrolton, TX 75006.

We need to "practice without pressure" will lead to better performance when there is pressure

Ziglar refers our ability of not knowing what we cannot do and so going ahead and doing it as "Intelligent Ignorance". Our gift of Intelligent Ignorance leads us to success. Henry Ford didn't believe that we wouldn't be able to build a V8 and insisted on his team to build one for him. His team was sure that it couldn't be built but Henry Ford insisted all the time on having one.

Some interesting ideas in the book
* There ain't no free lunch
* Go as far as you can see, and when you get there, you will always be able to see farther
* With definite goals you release your own power and things start happening
* Make no small plans for they have no capacity to stir men's souls
* There are rich educators and there are poor educators. There are rich lawyers and there are poor lawyers. The oppurtunity lies with the individual first and then with the occupation. The occupation provides the oppurtunity only if the individual does his part. It is not the occupation or the profession that makes you succeed or fail. It is how we see ourself in our occupation that determines success or failure
* The oppurtunity for greatness doesn't comes cascading like a torrential Niagara falls, but rather is comes slowly, one drop at a time
* Pleasure (eating too much or eating the wrong foods) is very short-lived, but happiness (being pleased with our slimmer, healthier, extended life five to twenty years longer) is of much longer duration
* Reviewing the list of skills and objectives that need lot of our effort (sweat and tears) are the ones that bring the real satisfaction and rewards
* Work on your goals with the bull dog tenacity and persistence - success is just over the will or around the corner
* If we want to create a cripple, just give a man a pair of crutches for a few months. Give a man a "free lunch" long enough for him to get in the habit of getting something for nothing - we take away his resourcefulness.
* When you give a man a dole, you deny him his dignity, when you deny him his dignity, you rob him of his destiny
* The steps on the stairway to the success are there to rest our foot long enough to step higher and not to stay there. We become champion by fighting one more round
* We are often told to strike when the iron is hot. We are however not told that we need to strike to make the iron hot.
* There is no such thing as lazy person; He is either sick or uninispired
* Success family has Work as the father and Integrity as Mother. If we can get along with the parents, we won't have trouble with the rest of the family
* The most practical, beautiful, workable philosohpy in the world won't work - if we won't work! * Education can cover lot of ground but can't cultivate any of it
* We can gaurd against losing our shirts by keeping our sleeves rolled up
* Success is dependent on "Sweat" glands
* When the going gets tough the tough gets going
* 80% of the people go to work reluctantly and that explains the second rate and third rate merchandise
* In Casinos there aren't any clocks as Casino owners don't want gamblers them to be reminded of time
* Two Fleas discussing if they should walk down the hill - or take a dog? One of my friend was known for this PJ she started and the way she would say that was awesome. We would ask her to repeat it everytime there was a new audience

See You At The Top - Managing Relationships - Azara Feroz Sayed

Step 2 of "See You At The Top" is Managing Relationship with Others

Notes from the book on Managing Relationship with Others

Ziglar introduces by stating the analysis done on 100 self-made millionaires - one thing came out to be common - All of them were "good finders". The could see good in other people and in every situation.

To drive this point, Ziglar narrates an interesting anecdote about Walter Haley - how successfully he managed his Warehouse Insurance business using the 'art of managing relationships' for maximizing loyalty and productivity.
Well, I met Walter Haley, and we just hit it off and started chatting. He said, "Zig, I've got to take you and let you see one of these mammoth warehouses." Well, we walked in. I didn't know there was that much food in the world much less under one roof. It was colossal. As we walked in the front door, Mr. Haley siad, "Excuse me for a moment, Zig." He went over to the switchboard operator; and he said, "You know, I just want to tell you what a delight it is for me to dial this number. You always answer so enthusiastically. I get the feeling that you're just there waiting for me to call." Well, the lady smiled very broadly, and said, "Why, thank you, Mr. Haley, I really appreciate that comment." He walked on through the door leading into the major portion of the warehouse and as we walked down one of the corridors, he said, "Excuse me Zig, I haven't met this gentleman." We stepped into this little office. Walter Haley stuck his hand out, and he said, "I'm Walter Haley, I know who you are, but we haven't met. I also know what you've been doing. Since you took over this department we've not had the first complaint. I just wanted to tell you how pleased I am with the job you're doing." Well, the man was very pleased. He said, "Why thank you, Mr. Haley, I do the very best I can." And Walter Haley said, "Well, that is excellent, just keep it up." We walked upstairs. He walked into his office, and he walked over with me to his secretary, and he said, "Zig, I want you to shake hands with the greatest secretary who ever sat behind a desk. My wife thinks she hung the moon and can take it down whenever she wants to. So, I'm asking you right now, please don't do it, I love the moon right where it is." Well, the secretary obviously beamed broad and said, "Well, Mr. Haley, uh, you sure are kind to say that and I obviously love your wife, an thank her for me too." We walked on into his private office iand there sat one of his men. And Walter Haley said to me, "Zig, shake hands with one of the greatest life insurance men to ever put on a pair of shoes." And the salesman said, "Aw, Walter, you're always saying things like that. And of course, since they're true, I obviously love hearing you say those things. Keep it up." The whole trip tooke about five minutes. But I'm here to tell you that there were four people who were dramatically affected that day. Now, let me share something with you which is critically important, and that's this. Walter Haley is a very sincere man. He is a very observant man. The compliments were from his heart; he ws not making small talk. He was communicating what he felt. When you do things like that, I can absolutely guarantee people will respond, and they will respond in a very positive way. When you talk about building relationships there is a magnificent way to do it. It's absolutely true. You can have everything in life you want if you'll just help enough other people to get what they want. Now what did Walter Haley want? He really wants those people to be friendly, and loyal and more productive. But had he been a conniver, had he said, "Well, now I can manipulate them by bragging on them and then they will be more productive." Let me tell you something. I'm talking about a philosophy. If you can use it as a tactic, I can absolutely guarantee you it will not work. If you think you can do something for somebody else and then later they'll do something for you that is ugly, that is manipulative, it absolutely will not work. But if you look for the good and find the good and compliment the good because it is true and because you're sincere, you will build a tremendous amount of loyalty. It's a philosophy. it is not a tactic. Be a good finder.

If we are looking at reaping the most reward in all areas of life - we should look for the good in every person and in every situation and adopt the golden rule as a way of life. We also know that we treat people as we see them i.e. to find "good" or "ability" in a person we have to look for it. Once we find the "good" or "ability" in the other person, we treat them better and he performs better. And after we have "found" the good, we must ensure we spread the word. "The way we see them is the way we treat them. The way we treat them is the way they often become". If we take a man as he is, we make him worse than he was, but if we see him as being the best person possible, then he, in fact, becomes the best person possible. This is true with every one - a smarter assoiciate, spouse, kids etc - everyone improves and we make progress with them too. The self-made millionaires knew - it is important that we "see" others properly.

Sincere Compliment is one of the most effective teaching and motivations methods in existence. Compliments may seem so much air, but like air we use to fill tires in our automobiles, they can really ease us along life's higway. A wise man said, "A lot of people have gone further than they thought they could because someone else thought they could". The greatest good we can do for anyone is to share their own wealth with them - inspire them to develop the "good" inside of them - as they will seldom see the talent in themselves. We should command "best effort" from everybody and the anyone on the team should feel bad about failure only if they haven't put in their best effort.

In the earlier post "Our Legacy How Much Backward Can We Go", we saw Helen Keller attributed her achievements to her teacher Anne Sullivan. Her teacher saw Helen Keller as one of God's special person. She treated her as she saw her, loved her, disciplined her, played, prayed, pushed her and worked with Helen Keller. Making it possible for Helen to influence millions! We get the best of others when we give the best of ourselves.

One person with a belief is equal to a force of ninety-nine who have only interest. If we build people mentally, morally, physically and spiritually, they will build the business on the same foundation. People need loving the most when they deserve the least.

Ziglar talks about how his daughter learnt to be the "Happy Girl" once they started introducing her as the "Happy Girl" to everyone.

Ziglar mentions about requiring his children to refer him and his wife as "Sir" and "Ma'am" as the children would feel more secure to have someone to respect as a parent rather than just a buddy. Feroz too strongly feels that parents should not be friends with their children but should behave as parents - to discipline them - as the children have many friends. Ziglar mentions many time about the need for discipling children. Will have a separate post on this.

Ziglar brings forward dozens of stories where people have been consigned to mediocrity by someone who "saw" them in an inferior light and treated them accordingly.

We need to look for the total ability of the person, develop more patience, compassion, firmness in dealing with them. Be analytical of what the person does and not so critical about the person. Criticize the performance - not the performer. We need to understand that an individual can do a lousy job or an individual can do a bad thing, but that does not mean the individual is a lousy individual or a bad individual. Failure is an event and it's not a person. Yesterday ended last night. Remember just because and individual did not do a good job on one thing, that really has no bearing on their value as a person. And if we can retain that value as a person in their minds, then their performance will become better and better.

In short, when dealing with people, give them lots of encouragement, but don't lie or mislead them by telling them they are doing well when they are not. Encourage them by letting them know that they can do better work. That their performance is not up to "their" standards. When their image changes so will their performance. Convince them they can meet "their" high standards of performance and they will!

Ziglar mentions about the need to mark the offender's account "paid in full" - if after breaking the law the offender pays the fine for his offence. This will help them restore their self-confidence. This is a problem with our society where even after the law offenders paid for their offence by "spending time in jail", we still look at them as law offenders - not trusting them . With the way we treat them, we forces them to - go back to breaking laws and "spending time in jail".

It is so true that our actions affect others either for good or bad, positively or negatively - many of whom we will never know. It is important to maintain a proper perspective and good attitude towards others.. We play a role in the life of each person we touch. As a matter of fact, at times, we may very well hold the key to other's future.

As per Ziglar, "Blind Loyalty" between couples is the key in managing martial relationships.

In the chapter on "Attitude" Ziglar narrates an anecdote relating to "Kicking the cat" which is very important in managing relationships

But Mr. B's a little different story. Mr. B. called a meeting, had all of his people together, and he said, "Now, this is a great company we have here. It can be even greater. What I'm going to do is I'm going to start assuming more of a leadership role by setting the correct example. I'm going to start coming in early; I'll start taking reasonable lunch hours; I will stay until the office is closed. In short, I'm going to be the role model that you need to follow." Oh, it was a wonderful speech. But, you know, sometimes how those speeches go, after a period of time you kind of forget all about it. The excitment and enthusiasm dies down just a bit, and that's exactly what happened.
Mr. B. was out for lunch one day; he forgot all about the time. Suddenly, he looked at his watch and he thought to himself, "Oh boy, I'm supposed to be back to the office in 10 minutes." He hopped up, ran out to the parking lot, hopped in his automobile, scratched off, burned rubber, doing about 90 miles an hour down the freeway and the long arm of the law entered the picture, gave him a ticket. Now, you're talking about somebody who was furious, Mr. B. was absolutely furious. He said, "This is absolutely ridiculous. Here I am a peaceful, tax-paying, law-abiding citizen, minding my own business. Maybe I was going a little too fast, but, they ought to be out here looking for robbers and murderers and reaaly the bad guys -- leave us peaceful, tax-paying, law-abiding citizens alone." Aw, he was really upset.
When he got back to the office, he was about 45 minutes late. And he did what some people have always done when they get their hand caught in the cookie jar, so to speak, they point yonder, so nobody will look at them. In a loud voice he called for a sales manager. He said, "Come in here, I want to talk to you about the Armstrong account. All I want ito know is a simple yes or no. Did you make the sale, or did you miss the sale?" And the sales manager said, "Mr. B. I, I hate to tell you this. I thought it was a done deal. I thought we had it signed, sealed and delivered, but at the last minute something happened. It came unglued. No, I did not get the sale."
Now, if you think Mr. B. was upset before, you should have seen him now. He just hit the ceiling. He said, "This is really something. here we had a chance to get this big account. We desperately needed that money to expand our product line, and I've been depending on you as my sales manager. You've been here 15 years, and you have a chance to really make a mark, and what do you do, you blow it. Well, let me tell you something. Just because you've been heres 15 years does not mean that you've got a lifetime contract. Now, you're going to replace htat business or I'm going to replace you."
You're talking about upset, Mr. B. was furious. But if you think he was upset you should have seen the sales manager. He walked out of the room, slammed the door behind him, muttering under his breath, "This is really something. For 15 years, I've been running this company. If it had not been for me, we would have gone broke years and years ago. And here, just because I miss one sale, he uses a cheap lousy trick to threatening to fire me. This is not fair." Aw, he was upset.
Called his secretary in. He said, "You remember those five letters I gave you to get out this morning? Have you gotten them out or, are you going to give me some lousy excuse for not having them out?" And she said, "Well, no, don't you remember, you told me that the Hedrick account took precedence over everything else? That's what I've been working on." If you think the sales manager was upset before, you should have seen him now. He just hit the ceiling. He said, "You've been here eight years, and you apparently think you've got lifetime security. Well, I want to tell you something. You get those letters out, and if you don't get them out, I'll get me somebody who can." Aw, he was really upset.
But if you think he was upset, you should have seen that secretary. She goes storming out that room. She slams the door behind her. She said, "This is ridiculous. Eight years I've been here, just because I cannot do two things at once, all of a sudden he gets upset with me, threatening to fire me, and I'm the only one who knows what's going on aroung here. Hadn't been for me, this company would have gone under years and years ago. And as far as him firing me, as much as I know about him, who does he think he's kidding?!" Aw, she was upset.
She went out to the switchboard operator's desk. She said, "I've got five letters, I want you to get them out. Now, I know ordinarily this is not your job, but you don't do anything anyhow but sit around out here and occassionally answer the telephone. I want these letters out and I want them out today. And if you can't get them out today, let me know. I'll get somebody who can." Aw, she was upset.
But if you think she was upset, you should have seen the switchboard operator. She about hit the ceiling. "This is ridiculous. I'm the only one around here who does anything -- who understands what's going on. They don't do anything in the back but gossip, drink coffee, every once in a while do a little work. The minute they get behind they come out here. They put it on my desk and they say, "Now if you don't get it done, we're going to fire you." And I'm the only one that understands that operation. Hadn't been for me, the company would have gone uder years and years ago." Aw, she was upset. But she got the work out.
She got home, walked in the front door, slammed it behind her. First thing she saw was her 12 year old son lying there on the floor watching television. Second thing she saw was a great big rip right across his trouser leg. She said, "Son, how many times have I told you, when you come home from school, put your play clothes on. Mother has a hard enough time as it is supporting you and paying your expenses and getting you through school. I told you to do it before and because you have disobeyed me, you're going upstairs right now. There's going to be no dinner for you this evening, and there's going to be no television for the next three weeks." Aw, she was really upset.
But if you think she was upset, you should have seen that 12 year old boy. He hopped up running out of his room, muttering under his breath, "It was an accident. Could have happened to anybody. I was doing something for my own mother, she doesn't even give me a chance to explain." Aw, he was really upset and about that time his tom cat walked right in front of him, which was a mistake. The boy reaches down, he gives the tom cat a big old boot, and he said, "You get out of here. You probably up to some no good yourself."
Now, let me ask you a question. Wouldn't it have been so much better if Mr. B. had gone directly from his lunch to the switchboard operator's house and kicked that cat himself? He'd have left all of those other people out of the deal.
Have you ever had a magnificent day? You get home an hour and a half late, you walk in the front door, whistling and singing and call our for your mate, "Hi, Hon, how you doing?" And your mate screams back at you, "How come you're so late? If you'd been putting up with what I've been putting up with during this day you wouldn't be so enthusiastic and excited. Now tell me, where have you been?" Can you understand it's got nothing to do with you? Somebody's been kicking your mate's cat all day long.
Don't be a cat kicker. Think it through. What kind of an impact will this have not ony on the person I'm dealing with, will that individual go down the line kicking cats, and affect the productivity of everybody else.

The "Dream Employee" is completely dependable, totally honest, always on the job, completely willing to follow instructions, extremely brilliant and capable, very pleasent and agreeable, and more than willing to work for room and board on a lifetime contract. The performance of the "Dream Employee" depends on his treatment. If we are courteous and thoughtful, he will work long and hard. If we are rude and inconsiderate, he grows stubborn and grows stubborn and rebellious. Brag on him; tell him how bright he is and he will perform brilliantly. Call him lazy, stupid or irresponsible and he will rebel. Tell him you love and respect him and he will stay up all night solving your problems. Fuss at him and tell him you don't love his and he becomes so frusterated he can't give you the time of day.

See You At The Top - Self-Image - Azara Feroz Sayed

'See You At The Top' is the name of the book by Zig Ziglar.

As part of the Wipro Leader's Program training sessions that I attended for six months - it seemed the Wipro Training faculty had an obsession with Zig Ziglar - everyone would use his quotations and yes I would say 30% of the videos presented to us were Ziglars. Being a fan of country music and reading books on the civil war etc developed love for the heavy southern accent due to which hearing Zig Ziglar was all the more exciting (we were provided audio cassettes as giveaways during the sessions) apart from the excellent content. Ziglar would end his videos by saying 'See You At The Top'. Since than it was a TODO to read the book. And I got an oppurtunity to read brand new copy of the 25th Anniversary Edition adding to the excitment!

'See You At The Top' is a P.L.A. (positive life attitude) book. The power of positive belief converting into positive action by focusing on tridimensional (physical, mental, spiritual i.e. health, wealth and happiness) aspect of success relying on the foundation stones of honesty, character, faith, integrity, love and loyalty. Ziglar mentions about taking the Stairway to the Top (refer picture) and each of the step is an aspect that Ziglar goes deeper into in the book. For being successful, Ziglar emphasis on using the characteristics that we all already possess - character, faith, integrity, honesty, love and loyalty and take the steps leading to success. That is all that is needed for success - the person (us) - by using the abilities we have. As most of us use only 2-5% of our abilities. Ziglar calls those individuals who do not believe in themselves (and hence don't use their abilities fully) as theives - robbing themselves, their loved ones, society because of reduced productivity. The tragedy of loss of human resources is that the average person goes to the grave with his music still in him. A dime and $100 gold piece has the same value if they are corroding at the bottom of the occean until we use them for their intended use. Our value becomes real and marketable when we reach within ourselves and utilize the enormous potential that is ther within us. We are where we are because that's exactly where we wanted to be. Their is a chance that we have been give wrong directions in form of negativity in environment, experience. Always believe that "Man was designed for accomplishment, engineered for success and endowed with the seeds of greatness". Of all the gifts our creator gives us, surely the gift of choosing the way we wish to be is one of the greatest. The ability to visualize before we perform, provides the additional confidence to perform successfully.

The book is filled with references to numerous books, biblical verses, movies (all adding up in my TODO), quotations, examples and yes lots of humor. I have pasted below some of the interesting thoughts
* Why do the weathermen always say there is 20% chance of rain and not 80% sunshine?
* One can climb an oak tree in two ways, one can climb it or sit on an acorn!
* I've read women giving birth to boys and girls but never about giving birth to a salesman, doctor, lawyer etc However I do read salesmen, doctors, lawyers die. Since they are not born but do die - somewhere between birth and death - by choice - by training - they become what they wish to become! A woman never gives birth to a success or failure. People blame lack of education, parents, environment, skin, religious beliefs, too old, too young, fat, slim etc for their failures. Everytime the index finger is pointed at someone else the other three fingers are pointing at us. Everything starts with us including success and happiness.
* Darwin's theory of evolution, that man is not from god but is animalistic in origin - is a blow to our self esteem - thinking I came from a monkey doesn't makes anyone feel good!
* I don't go to church as there are so many hypocrites there is an excuse people provide for not going to church. They don't realize hypocrite is standing between them and God. The hypocrite in that case is more closer to God than they are. Hypocrites are everywhere so statying away from church for them doesn't helps.
* The Norwegian word for sell is selje which literally means "to serve"
* "You're always late", "You never do anything right" etc neither builds love nor confidence. Besides failure is an event - no a person - yesterday ended last night - today is a brand new day and it is ours!
* If we take what we have and use it - our talent will be increased - which brings more rewards etc
* Their is nothing like good or bad memory. Their is either trained or untrained
* Admire the skills of others but remember in most instances we could greatly improve our own skill by using the same amount of time and effort

The book begins with the "The End" - the end of life of Mediocrity! Today is the first day of the rest of our life! We are now engaged in the process of building a foundation for a greater future. Ziglar uses the "Count the Squares" in an empty square thought provoker. An in-depth look to the empty square helps us count the 30 squares in it i.e. an ind-depth look reveals considerably more than a casual glance. Ziglar says this is true about understanding ourselves, knowing our potential and our future. Ziglar promises to provide directions to help us achieve that.

When exposed to new material one time will remember only 2% of it two weeks later. If they are exposed to the same material on six consecutive days, they will remember 62% of it two weeks later. The more we are exposed to an idea - it is more likely that we will take action. So Ziglar encourages to review the important ideas in the book periodically.

The first page of the book has the quotation "I Believe - You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help enough other people what they want". I remember how thrilled I was with the simplicity with which this quotation was used to drive an important point by one of our business development manager - for all of us to be successful in the account, we have to help our client manager to be successful. Ziglar talks about this in terms of serving - if you serve more you earn more!

Self-Image is the First Step on the Stairway to the Top (refer picture)
The first step on the Stairway to the top is self-image. It is important to have love ourselves as if we cannot love ourselves where will we draw the love for anyone else - we can't give away something that we don't have. The Bible says "Love thy neighbour as thyself" . The most noticable manifestation of a poor self-image is the way a person reacts to criticism and the way he reacts to someone laughing at him/her.

The person with a healthy self-image moves into management very well. He exhibits a cautious confidence that shows he is qualified and will do the job. He is short on promises but long on fulfillement. He neither seeks nor avoids confrontations and meets decision making head-on. He understands that he was promoted because management has confidence in his ability to either handle the job or grow to the job. He knows where to draw the line between arrogance and confidence. He can be firm on principle but flexible on method. He understands that ideas don't ideas don't care who have them and is secure enough to give associates the credits for ideas. He draws a line between friendly and being familiar. He doesn't gets "all shook up" when he makes a wrong decision, because he knows in most cases the worst decision is no decision, so right or wrong he makes decisions. His self-image helps him to act decisively and yet not feel threatened when he is either mistaken, challenged or has to ask for help on specific matters.

I have used the "15 Steps to a Healthy Self-Image" that Ziglar talks about from the site below and have added other ideas that I found interesting in the book
http://www.gnorb.net/life/20060530/15-steps-to-a-healthy-self-image/

1. Take inventory of our worth - If we had a friend who lost his legs in an accident, but got $10M for it in a court settlement, would we trade places with him? Probably not, so count that as part of our worth. We would certainly like to have more money but not at the cost of our one of our assets, our health.
Also we have the capacity between our ears to store more information than can be stored in dozens of man's most sphisticated computers. It would cost billions if scientist were to attempt to create a human brain, it would be bulky in size and it would require lots of power to operate. Still it would not have the creative capability that God has blessed us with.
We are as precious to God as any of his other creatures - the difference between Rembrandt and us is - Rembrandt lifted his brush every day! God doesn't sponsors flops! We are somebody as God wouldn't spend time on creating a nobody!
Remember: Self worth has nothing to do with how much money you have.
2. Make sure our appearance is good - Keep ourself well groomed, hygienically sound, and looking sharp. The quickest, cheapest way to increase our self image: dress sharper. Go out and invest in a couple of good quality dress shirts, polos (double mercerized cotton is great), dress pants/slacks and shoes. Looking good automatically boosts our self image because, hey, if you dress the part, how much harder is it to play it?
When women walk out of a beauty salon, they "walk proud". Women will smile little more braodly, have a tendency to laugh more at little incidents and funnies and just seem to enjoy life more after the trip to a beauty salon. The performance of students is considerably better on "picture taking day" when the students "dress up". Every husband says his wife is happier, friendlier and more productive after she has got "dolled up" in a new outfit. Employers note that employees do better work, all other things being equal, when they are neatly or sharply dressed. Both men and women feel more confident when they know their appearance is good. Our appearence has direct bearing on the way we feel about ourselves and has a bearing on many facets of our lives, as it carries over in the way we deal with other people.
3. Read biographies and autobiographies of successful people - Read life stories of Henry Ford, Martin Luther King, Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Edison etc
4. Listen to speakers, preachers, and teachers who build mankind - Listening to these people is incredibly educational, uplifting and rewarding. Here’s an example: ever listen to Joel Osteen? Like his theology or not, you have to admit that he’s a great motivator and uplifter of people. Same for people like Tony Robins.
5. Begin any goal with small, easy steps, then increase the difficulty - Success begets success. When you see yourself succeeding in little things, it makes it easier to go to the next level and begin succeeding there. Build a healthy self-image with a series of short steps. One reason many people never attempt new things is their fear of failure. If possible, start any new venture with a phase or portion you are confident you can handle, then transfer that initial accomplishment from one area of success to another. Building a healthy self-image needs to start in an area where we know we can succeed. Once success is accomplished there, we can move another step and another and another. Each step gives us added confidence and hence self-image improves and hence performance improves
6. Smile and complement others - When we smile at people and they smile back, we automatically feel better. Ditto for compliment. When we sincerely compliment a person or extend him a courtsey, he is going to receive a direct benefit and like himself better. It is impossible for us to make someone feel better and not feel better ourselves. One of the best ways to make anyone else feel better is to spread optimism and cheer. If we are not feeling very much spirited but act that way, we will soon feel spirited. If we are optimistic and cheerful, the chances are much stronger that we will lift the other person's spirit.
7. Do something for someone else wholeheartedly - Expect nothing in return, ask for nothing in reward, and accept nothing in return. When we volunteer or help someone - we realize that we are truly fortunate and do have lot to be thankful for, that, we can make a contribution and that we are. in fact, somebody. In short, we will stand tall in our own eyes.
8. Deliberately associate with uplifters and good-finders - We acquire much of the thinking, mannerisms and characteristics of the people around us. Even our IQ No one can long be positive associating with people who drag them down, so make an effort to find people who are positive and uplifting, people who go out of their way to find good in people. Clubs like the Toastmasters are a good way for anyone to start finding uplifters and good-finders in their area.
9. Remember all your good qualities - Make a list of all our positive qualities in a card. Ask friends to list the things they like about us. Carry that card and read it few times a day. Bragging about ourself to ourself helps to be confident in who we are, without being arrogant.
10. Make a list of all the past victories in your life - Again, success begets success. A lot of times we minimize what we’ve accomplished while maximizing what others have done. We compare our worst to their best. This list should include those things from childhood to present that gave us most satisfaction and confidence - which do not appear on the educational charts. As we periodically review this list, we will be reminded that we have succeeded in the past and we can do it again. This builds confidence, which builds image, which builds success, happiness etc.
11. Avoid adult programs, soap operas, and horoscopes - We can’t continually see man at his worst and feel good about ourself by watching adult programs. Similarly, it is a enormous waste of time and the "drug-like ability" to hook into tuning in tomorrow to see what happens, and it spells bad news with a capital BAD. Tomorrow the start of soap opera, and at least one of his or her buddies, will either be in trouble, headed for trouble, or just getting out of trouble. When we view life in this negative perspective over a long period of time, we identify with the situations which mostly parallel with our own and it goes on. The horoscope "hooks" us in similar fashion. We think it as harmless to read as we don't believe in it - eventually we will become fatalistic as a result of it - will not make decisions or take trips if the horoscope is not in tune.
12. Learn from successful failures - See how often successful people failed before they succeeded. The only difference between us and someone who’s succeeded in the long term is that they’ve probably failed a lot more than us. Edison, Lincoln, Einstein, Henry Ford, Walt Disney were failures before they eventually succeeded due to their persistence.
13. Join an organization with worthwhile goals that encourages public speaking - One of the best, quickest, and most efficient ways to improve your self image and performance is to join an organization that has worthwhile goals and encourages public speaking.
14. Look at people in the eyes when you talk to them - This is surprisingly one of the hardest things to do. When we look at people in the eye, they can see how honest we are and how proud we are of doing whatever it is you’re doing. Some people with low self-image feel "unworthy" and "are not good enough" to look directly into the eyes of another. To overcome the feeling, we can practice - looking ourselves in the eye - in front of the mirror. Set aside a few moments each day for this exercise. Repeat some positive affirmations (Step#9 and #10) of what we have accomplished., positive things that other people have said to us. The second phase involves eye-contact with children. The third phase is peer group and associates, as well as those who might work at lesser positions. This will give us enough confidence to look in the eye of everybody we meet.
15. Earnestly and honestly work towards being physically fit - It’s no secret that people who are physically fit, or are working towards that goal, have more stamina, are happier, and exude more confidence than those who are not fit and are not working towards that kind of goal. We may not be fit and may not be working towards that type of goal, but still be positive. Imagine how much more so will we be when you combine your naturally good disposition with the psychological and biological advantages offered by good health?

Edit: In retrospect, I (the author of gnorb.net) should have probably added a 16th step: Work. Whenever someone does something for us which we can do for ourself, our self esteem goes down a bit. Make a habit of having people do things for us which we can do for ourself and our self image will go down the drain. (Ever go to a welfare line and try to look at the eyes of people there? Most of the time, sadly, the thing we see the least of in their eyes is pride: most of them have attrociously low self images, and we will never earn more than our self image dictates we should.) Likewise, when someone gives us something which we can earn for ourself (gifts are an exception most of the time), they are inadvertantly denying us the chance to earn it. All of us, to a certain extent, tie the work we do and the things we accomplish to our self image, so a quick way to raise your self esteem is to work for what we want.


It is beyond a doubt that most problems, whether they are economic, social or martial are not really problems but rather symptoms of problems. Deugs, alcholism, pornography, homesexuality, obesity are symptoms of deeper difficulties. Many other fads are also symptoms of real problems, particularly when it's obvious the fads are related to people doing "their thing" in defiance of parents or the so-called "society". Once we accept ourselves for our true worth, then the symptoms of vulgarility, slopiness etc disappears.

The Swedish Government promises every individual that he will be "taken care of" from birth to death. To the casual observer, Swedes would be happiest people in existence because of such magnificient arrangement. On the contrary, Sweden has the fastest growing drug problem, high rate of divorce, highest rate of suicide among retired - which indicates the difference in self image - building our own security as opposed to having someone else take care of us.

80% of workers go reluctantly to work. This lose of pride in work brings performance down and quality of work declines. This explains the need for Foriegn imports and the domestic sales volumes goes down - this is price we pay for low self-esteem.

Think like a champion, Act like a champion, See ourselves as a champion and perform like a champion.

Some interesting ideas
* What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny compared to what lies within us - Ralph Waldo Emerson
* You are the only one who can use your ability. Its an awesome responsibility - Ralph Waldo Emerson
* I hear and forget. I see and hear and I remember. However when I see, hear and do, I understand and succeed - Anonymous
* The price of success is much lower than the price of failure
* The person who won't read is no better that the person who can't read
* Success is not a destination. It is a journey, it's the direction in which you are travelling
* Education and intelligence are not the same thing.
* No one on the face of the earth can make you feel inferior without your permission
* The most destitute person in the world is the one without a smile
* No one is useless in this world who lightens the burden of anyone else
* It is not who's right that is important - its what's right
* The person who won't stand for something will fall for anything
* We don't drown by falling into water, we get drowned if we stay there
* We are not beaten by being knocked down. We are only beaten if we stay down.
* Work gives us more than our living - it gives us our life

Building Trust - Azara Feroz Sayed

During my experience in working for corporates, I found the one thing that could have helped the most was a trustful environment. The energy sapping acitivites that we engage in, due to lack of trust, especially at a time when we are required to do more with less, makes the time spent in consciously building trust so much worthwhile. I would push it to the extent of including it in the organization's mission statement and having policies and procedures aligned with it e.g. 360 degree feedbacks to include examples of trust building acitivities implemented

I came accross an interesting article relating to "Building Trust" at
http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/twelve-keys-for-building-trust/ which I have used for discussion in this post.

The foundation of any relationship, whether it be with a business associate, spouse, parent, client or, friend, is trust. Trust is not something that can be built with quick fix techniques. Rather, it is something that is cultivated through consistent habits in our interactions. The following are twelve patterns of behavior that increase trust in our relationships.

1. Be transparent - Do not try to hide things from others. Refuse to have any hidden agendas. We might think we can pull a fast one on someone else. We can’t. Most people have good intuition and even though they may not be able to consciously determine that we are hiding something, they very likely will have an uneasy feeling around us. If they don`t feel comfortable around us, they won`t be able to trust us.
Another sinister aspect of having hidden agenda is that it erodes our ability to trust others. We will assume that if we aren’t fully forthcoming, other people aren’t either. When we are trustworthy, however, we will see others as more trustworthy too.
In my experience, being transparent in a Manager-Employee relationship takes lot of courage for meeting the consequences (emotional and reputational hurt apart from additional issues being created) of being transparent. Even though we are transparent, prior experiences and organization culture, makes it difficult for people to accept it and they continue to engage in untrustful actions. Me and Feroz would debate a lot on being transparent, every time I would go thru a difficult situation, due to someone indulging in an untrustful action. I am all for transparency - experience makes you stronger - to face the consequences and not give up on the trust building process!

2. Be sincere - This is similar to the previous point. Only say what we mean. Be impeccably honest with our words. Refuse to try and craft our words to manipulate others. Don`t give fake compliments, patronize others or say something just because we think we are supposed to. Again, people have good BS detectors. When others know that we only speak genuinely, it increases their capacity to trust us. Everyone loves authenticity.
In my experience, in an Manager-Employee relationship, as mentioned earlier, prior experiences and organization culture blinds people to our attempts and it could be a fursterating experience when your attempts to build trust don't go anywhere. Staying at it and not being affected by some failures is the key to building life-time relationships!

3. Focus on adding value - In any relationship, always have the best interest of others at heart. Work hard to give as much or more than we get. When we consistently add value to someone`s life, they not only feel like we are on their side, they also have the urge to reciprocate. In business relationships, this means always under-promise and over-deliver. In personal relationships, focusing on meeting the needs of the other person instead of taking in order to get our own needs met.
In my experience, in an Manager-Employee relationship, apart from "adding value", it is also important that 'we are on their side' feeling be implicitly created, by communicating the value that the relationship has been providing as "value add". Since "value add" is sometimes taken for granted especially in an environment of "peer pressure" where we are more focussed on comapring the "value add" that the manager has been providing to peers.

4. Be present - The last thing anyone wants is to have a conversation with someone who isn’t there. Instead of retreating into your head, focus on listening to others. Whenever you are with someone, make them your primary focus. Don’t think about work while we are at home talking to our spouse. Don’t think about life at home when we are with a client. When it comes to relationships, presence means quality time and quality time builds trust.
In my experience, in an Manager-Employee relationship, a big investment in communication (emphasis on listening) is the most important thing. Looking back at those instances where trust was not shared, I feel spending more time in communicating would have helped to improve the trust in the relationships. An improvement area for me!

5. Always treat people with respect - Ever since we were little kids, we have been taught to be respectful. However, when our standards get violated or there is no one around to see (read: we don`t think there will be any consequences), we can often engage in petty behavior. This encompasses a wide range of actions from personal attacks during arguments to gossiping behind someone’s back. Always remember that another person’s inherent worth as a human being entitles them to be treated with dignity. When people know that you will always treat with them respect, it is very natural for trust to flourish.
In my experience, in an Manager-Employee relationship, this is important and additionally important (read Item#9 "Set Boundaries" below) is to make sure you are treated with respect too and not taken for granted. Feroz would caution me on this aspect based on the few interactions with my team members that he was part of.

6. Take responsibility - When we mess up, which we invariably will, be quick to clean it up. Skip the excuses and just take responsibility. Justifying and making excuses may help us in the short term but in the long run, it does nothing for our character or the level of trust we are given. Accountability is a rare trait these days with most people wanting to avoid negative consequences at all costs. Dare to be different and we will win the trust of others.
In my experience, in an Manager-Employee relationship, taking responsibility for glitches done by the team is an expectation. I believe it is important that we talk about such behaviour too as part of "value add" to the relationship. In my experience all these actions on my part were never considered as "value add" by the team.

7. Focus on feedback - Unless we`re mind readers, the only way we can know how well a relationship is going is by getting feedback from the other person. Be not only willing to accept feedback – actively seek it out. Many people are afraid to give us feedback, especially if its negative, out of fear that they will offend. Ask with sincerity and respond respectfully and others will be far more willing. Take both the positive and negative into account along with our own judgment and adjust our behaviour accordingly.
In my experience, creating an organizational culture of providing frank personal feedback is important. Tools soliciting feedback need to encourage for specific examples which makes the person revisit the situation as they write about it rather than simply checking-on a box.

8. Take criticism well - Learn to handle criticism with grace. Instead of getting defensive, consider the possibility that what the other person is saying might be true. Closing yourself off from criticism has the effect of closing off all communication. In some cases, the criticism may indeed be inaccurate. In these instances, you have the opportunity to show empathy. Try to understand the problem from the other person’s point of view. Perhaps the criticism is just a thinly veiled attack that stems from a deeper upset they may have with us. In these cases, our willingness to dig deeper without getting defensive will certainly enhance the trust in the relationship.
For a leader, this is important. In my experience, due to lack of trust, people don't provide direct feedback. Regular feedback is important and I believe spending time on frequent one-on-one communication will probably help us 'hear' the feedback. Once again, I wish I had spent more time in on-eon-one communication to 'hear' the feedback.

9. Set boundaries - Be clear about how we expect people to behave around us. Again, do this in a mature manner: be sincere and respectful. When we have clear standards, people know exactly how to behave around us and that gives them certainty. The strength that we communicate by setting boundaries builds trust – when someone knows that they can`t take advantage of us that alleviates the fear that someone else will.
Important! I already talked about this in Item#5 - "Always treat people with respect"

10. Be a class act - Hold ourself to a higher a standard. Be quick to apologize when we know we are wrong. Only speak well of others, even those who don`t speak well of us. Why should we do this? First, imagine what it would do to our sense of self to know that other people only have good experiences with us. Second, imagine how much trust such behaviour engenders in others. Finally, imagine the example we set for others – the conduct of others will improve just by being around us consistently.
Important in building relationships. I would consider this as an important aspect in the evaluation of a manager. The only reason I keep mentioning about these attributes being part of a formal feedback for a manager is - we otherwise are blinded with the organizational culture and lack of training to notice i.e. one becomes blinded to these important aspects that the manager is demonstrating. I believe having to write down an example for a feedback always makes me think about actions taken for granted.

11. Our word is our bond - Keep all the promises we make and ensure that we make promises only sparingly. Make our word stronger than any written contract. Refuse to make empty promises and manipulate people. When a promise we have made is no longer beneficial to us, instead of deciding to not follow through, attempt to renegotiate the deal. When we renegotiate the agreement, ensure that the new commitment provides even more value to the other person.
I think this is Item#3 "Focus on adding value" and Item#10 "Be a class act" working together at all times.

12. Be consistent - Above all, be consistent in our behavior. Don’t engage in the behavior once in a while when it seems convenient. Our consistency is the key to your trustworthiness. Small actions add up and a track record of high character is invaluable in any relationship. Become intensely principle-centered and trust will follow easily and consistently.
It needs courage to not get frusterated - when efforts to build trust are washed out turns - and continue focussing on our endeavors. I think this is the most important of all the items mentioned above. I regret losing some relationships due to the emotional and reputational hurt and not investing in mending them.

The Magic of Thinking Big - Azara Feroz Sayed

The Magic of Thinking Big is a 50+ yr old bestseller by David Schwartz about being sucessful using the magic of thinking - the power of belief, attitude and action! It is funny to read the examples of $1000 salary or a handsome salary of $35,000 - one need to keep the perspective of this while reading the 50+ year old book.

David introduces by saying sucess is not determined by the size of one's brain as it is by the size of one's thinking. The size of bank accounts, size of happiness accounts, size of one general satisfaction account is dependent on size of one's thinking.

David talks about study human behaviour to know the rules of success using the fully equipped laboratory of human beings that is around us to study human action. The laboratory provides us with every possible example of human action. We need to observe and experiment - to know more about sucessful people, to know why people act as they do. To get insight into human action by asking questions as Why is XX so sucessful? Why is YY just mediocre? etc

David talks about "walk-watch", watching people walk, to know what is going on in their mind are they troubled, are they happy - one way to use the laboratory that we have at our disposal. I always thought Feroz did this to entertain me. He would try to build up stories on what is going on with the person.

One of the things that David mentions is that confidence determines how we fight our fears. Memory management is the most important thing for building confidence - depositing and withdrawing positive thoughts is the key to confidence. He talks about recalling pleasent experiences to boost confidence (refer post "Mastering your mind" on how this can be used to manage difficult situations). Feroz doesn't listens to news, songs, chat shows etc in the morning to ensure his postive rhythm is not disturbed.

With Feroz, I have learnt the importance of setting a high standard for others to follow. I helped Feroz with the logistics during one of the 'Interviewing Skills' session he conducted. During the session, Feroz tried to capture students responses to most of the aspects mentioned in the book, as part of the interview questions. Stressing students with questions during the interview to check how strong their beliefs were. He played back the video in the class - for the students to know what the interviewer is trying to know about the applicant and what would be the best response and yes importance of appearence!

I have used the review of the book at the site below and added some the ideas that I found interesting in the book
http://www.lifetrainingonline.com/blog/the-magic-of-thinking-big-part-i.htm

Believe You Can Succeed and You Will
Belief and wishful thinking are quite different. Wishful thinking will never spur you to action and as a result, your wishful thought will forever remain a wish. Belief works this way. Belief, the "I'm-positive-I-can" attitude generates the power, skill and energy needed to achieve results. When we truly believe we can do it, the HOW TO DO IT will reveal itself.

Without firm, unwavering belief that man can travel in space, our scientists would not have had the courage, interest and enthusiasm to proceed. Belief in great results is the driving force behind all great discoveries. Belief in success is the one basic, absolutely essential ingredient in successful people.

Disbelif is the -ve power. When the mind disbelieves or doubts, the mind attracts "reasons" to support the disbelief. Doubt, disbelief, the subconcious will to fail, the not really wanting to succeed, is responsible for most failures.

The size of our success is determined by the size of our belief. We can also consider belief to be the thermostat that regulates our accomplishments in life. If we take a look at one who is struggling in mediocrity, he believes he is worth little so as result, he receives little. Contrast this with the person who is advancing in life. They really belief they’re worth a lot, and again as a result they receive a lot.

A person is a product of his own thoughts. Believe Big. Let us adjust our thermostat forward. Let us launch our success offensive with honest, sincere belief that we can suceed. Believe big and grow big.

We know that our mind is a "thought factory", producing countless thoughts in a day. Production in our thought factory is under the charge of two foremen Mr Triumph and Mr Defeat. Mr Triumph is in charge of manufacturing postive thought. He specializes in producing reasons why we can, why we will etc The other foremen, Mr Defeat, produces negative, deprecating thoughts. He is our expert in developing reasons why we can't, why we are inadequate. His speciality is why-we-will-fail thoughts. They both are obedient and snap to attention immediately when required. The more work we give either of these foremen, the stronger they become. Eventually taking the entire thought-manufacturing process. To have strong belief, we need to ignore Mr.Defeat (refe "Taming the Gremlin" post) and strengthen Mr. Triumph.

As Tony Robbins says, Belief is to have faith when nothing in the our environment is supporting us. Generating the feeling of certainity. Operating with Strong Belief, is to operate from faith instead of fear. Belief is about creating certainity in face of fear. When we operate out-of-fear, we constantly focus on worst that could happen. We anticipate in advance and thereby avoid participating. The greatest way in the world not to achieve anything is to not to take the first step. Belief, is to have courage to put ourselves on the line by having faith - faith is the ultimate power.

While recruting, companies often look for candidate who aspires leadership for himself and his company - a determination to undertake a personal program of self development.

Cure Yourself of Exusitus, the Failure Disease
The distinguishing difference between a person who is going places and the individual who is barely getting by is the latter person’s habit of excuses. The more successful the individual, the less inclined he is to make excuses. But the fellow who has gone nowhere and has no plans for getting anywhere always has a boxful of reasons to explain why. Persons with mediocre accomplishments are quick to explain why they haven't, why they don't, why they can't, and why they aren't.
Much like any other disease, this disease of ‘excusitis’, as the author calls it, will get worse if not treated properly.

The problem is, once you’ve selected for yourself a ‘good’ excuse, you end up sticking to it. You then end up using that excuse to explain to yourself and others why you’re not making progress in that area of life; And each time you use that excuse, the more it gets ingrained into your subconscious and the more you begin to believe it is true.

Successful people on the other hand learn how to vaccinate themselves against excusitis instead fertilizing their minds with the seeds of confidence and achievement - making the most of the resources available with them as "the right attitude and one arm will beat the wrong attitude and two arms every time" and being grateful for having the available resources.

Poor health? Lack of education? Too old? Too young? Bad luck? Personal misfortune? he way my family brought me up? are some of the common excuses used by mediocre people. The four most common of this disease are healthy excusitis, intelligence excusitis, age excusitis and luck excusitis.

http://www.seniorsnetwork.co.uk/positivethinking2/excusitis.htm
1."But My Health Isn't Good." - Health excusitis is used as an excuse for failing to do what a person wants to do, failing to accept greater responsibilities, failing to make more money, failing to achieve success. Remind yourself often, "It's better to wear out than rust out."

2."But you've got to have brains to succeed." - Intelligence excusitis or "I lack brains" is common. Unlike most other types of excusitis, people suffering from this particular type of the malady suffer in silence. Not many people will admit openly that they think they lack adequate intelligence. Rather, they feel it deep down inside. Most of us make two basic errors with respect to intelligence: We under estimate our own brain power, and We overestimate the other fellow's brainpower. Because of these errors many people sell themselves short. They fail to tackle challenging situation because it "takes brains". What really matters is not how much intelligence we have but how we use what we do have. The thinking that guides your intelligence is much more important than the quantity of your brain power. Interest, enthusiasm, is the critical factor. With a positive, optimistic, and cooperative attitude a person with an IQ of 100 will earn more money, win more respect, and achieve more success than a negative, pessimistic, uncooperative individual with an IQ of 120. Just enough sense to stick with something-a chore, task, project-until it's completed, pays off much better than idle intelligence, even if idle intelligence be of genius calibre. Stickability is 95% of ability. Negative Thinking is the reason for some brilliant people's failures.
He has a very mediocre job (he's afraid of responsibility).
He has never married (lots of marriages end in divorce).
He has few friends (people bore him).
He's never invested in property of kind (he might lose his money).
These men use their great brainpower to prove why things won't work rather than directing his mental power to searching for ways to succeed. We can't do much to change the amount of negative ability, but we can certainly change the way we use what we have. Knowledge is power- when you use it constructively.
Closely allied to intelligence excusitis is some incorrect thinking about knowledge. We often hear that knowledge is power. But this statement is only a half-truth. Knowledge is only potential power. Knowledge is power only when we put to use - and then only when the use made of it is constructive.
The story is told that the great scientist Einstein was once asked how many feet are in a mile. Einstein's reply was, " I don't know. Why should I fill my brain with facts I can find in two minutes in any standard reference book?"
It is more important to use our mind to think than to use it as a warehouse for facts. The ability to know how to get information is more important than using the mind as a garage of facts. When questioned Henry Ford responded, I don't know the answer to the question but can find a man in five minutes who can do that. The idea is to use the best available resources rather than making yourself a factman. What we want around are people who can solve problems, who can think up ideas. People who can dream and then develop the dream into a practical application; an idea man can make money, a fact man can't.
Never underestimate our own intelligence and never overestimate the intelligence of others. It's not how many brains we've got that matters, rather it's how we use your brains that counts. Reminding several times daily: "My attitudes are more important than my intelligence." using our brain to find ways to win. Remembering that ability to think is of much greater value than the ability to memorize facts. Using our mind to create and develop ideas to find new and better ways to do things. Asking, "Am I using my mental ability to make history or am I using it merely to record history made by others."

3."It's No Use I'm too old (or too young)." - Age excusitis, the failure disease of never being the right age comes in two easily identifiable forms: the " I'm too old" variety and the "I'm too young" brand. How old we are is not important, it's one's attitude toward age that makes it a blessing or a barricade. For too young, don't be age conscious, don't take advantage of new gold bars, get used to having older persons working for us. What matters really is how well we know our job. Age has no real relation to ability, unless we convince yourself that years alone will give us the stuff we need to make your mark. The cure for age excusitis is to look at our present age positively. Think "I'm still young," not "I'm already old." Compute how much productive time we have left. Life is actually longer than most people think. Invest future time in doing what we really want to do. Start thinking, " I'm going to start now, my best years are ahead of me." That's the way successful people think.

4. "But my case is different: I attract bad luck." - Luck excusitis - If luck determined who does what and who goes where, every business in the nation would fall apart. People who rise to the top in any occupation- business, management, selling, law, engineering, acting or what have you- get there because they have superior attitudes and use their good sense in applied hard work. Accept the law of cause of effect. Take a second look at what appears to be someone's " good luck." we'll find not luck but preparation, planning and success-producing thinking preceded his good fortune. Take a second look at what appears to be someone's " bad luck." we'll discover certain specific reasons. Mr. Success receives a set back; he learns and profits. But when Mr. Mediocre loses, he fails to learn. Don't be a wishful thinker. We don't become successful simply through luck. Don't count on luck for promotions, victories, the good things in life. Luck simply isn't designed to deliver these good things.

Build Confidence and Destroy Fear
Other than excuses, fear is another very real hindrance to success. It keeps you from capitalizing on opportunity; it wears you down physically, it also closes your mouth when you want to speak. Fear can even cause you to become sick. Fear — manifested in uncertainty and lack of confidence — explains why millions of people accomplish little and enjoy little. In one way or another fear keeps people from getting what they want in life.

So is there an antidote for fear? Absolutely. The cure is found in action. If indecision and postponement further breed fear, then taking action will kill it off. To conquer fear: Isolate fear. This is where we determine exactly what it is that we are afraid of. Take action. Every type of fear has some type of action which will counter-act it. When deciding what course of action to take, do not hesitate. Hesitation only magnifies the fear. Be decisive and act immediately.

self-conciousness can be a reason for fear at times. It is important for us to put people in proper perspective to get over self-conciousness.
- Get a balanced view of the other fellow - The other fellow is important as every human being is. We are important too. Think, we are two important people sitting down to discuss something of mutual interest and benefit.
- Develop an understanding attitude to the adult bully. Try to think, the adult bully is having some bigger problems and his behaviour towards us is the otcome of that big problem he is struggling with - making him feel inferior - and he is using us to get over it.
- Doing what's right keeps our confidence satisfied. As the guilt pulls down our confidence.

Being confident is another way of banishing fear. Confidence is not something that people are born with, it is developed; And developing it requires a little effort on our part. Much lack of self-confidence can be traced directly to mis-managed memory. Everyday we make thought deposits in our "mind bank". When we settle down to face a problem, ineffect we say to the memory bank, "what do I already know about the problem?". Based on our prior experience our memory bank provides info. If we have a repository of failures deposited as -ve thoughts rather than "learnings from an experience which didn't give us the results we were looking for but some other results for us to work on further" - failure is what the memory is going to provide us a response to us. This is like, if we put dirt in the car crank case every day, the fine engine will surely be messed up - unable to do what we want it to do. -ve thoughts create worry, frusteration, feelings of inferiority.

Before going to bed, recall the good things we saw people do, recall the little victories and accomplishments, count your blessings, go over the reasons why we are
glad to be alive - these will be the positive deposits. When driving or alone recall pleasent experiences, positive thougts - these will be the positive deposits too.

The best way to build confidence is the “fake it ’till you make it” approach. In other words, to think confidently, act confidently. Schwartz quotes the great psychologist, Dr. George W. Crane who said, “Remember, motions are the precursors of emotions. You can’t control the latter directly but only through your choice of motions or actions…Go through the proper motions each day and you’ll soon begin to feel the corresponding emotions!” This example can best be seen with smiling. It’s hard to feel sad if you try to smile as hard as you can. (Go ahead try it ;)) The same holds true with confidence. It’s hard to be shy and uneasy if you’re body is telling you you’re confident. Aren't these thoughts that Tony Robbins talks about in Changing State - to use physical changes to change our mental state.

Some physiological changes boost confidence
- Be a front seater
- Make eye contact
- Walk 25% faster - Throw shoulders back, lift head
- Speak up
- Smile big

How to Think Big
Schwartz explains how big we think ultimately determines the size of our accomplishments. But how can we enlarge our thinking? How do we think big? Maybe by looking at the traits of some big thinkers, we can figure out just how one can expand their thinking
- Big thinkers are really good at crafting positive, forward-looking, optimistic pictures in their own minds and in the minds of others. The words they choose are reflective of this and help others to envision a positive outcome.
"I'm sorry to report we've failed" to "Here's a new approach that I think will work"
"We face a problem" to "We face a challenge"
"We incurred a big expense" to "We made a big investment"
Using big, positive, cheerful words and phrases to describe how we feel ("Just Wonderful!"), to decribe other people, compliment people, to outline plans etc
- Big thinkers have trained themselves to not only see what is in their current reality but to see what could become their reality. Look at things not as they are, but as they can be. Visualization adds value to everything. A big thinker always visualizes what can be done in future. He isn't stuck with the present. The teacher who only thinks of Jimmy as he is - an ill-mannered, backward, uncouth brat - certainly will not aid Jimmy's development. But the teacher who sees Jimmy not as he is but as he can be, she'll get results. Asking questions like "What can I do to 'add value' to my work, home etc", "What can I do to 'add value' to my subordinates?", "What can I do make myself more valuable?"
- Big thinkers see themselves as part of a team. Success does not come alone but by working with others. They help in every way they can, even when there is no direct and immediate compensation. The fellow who shrugs off a problem outside his own department with a comment "Well, that none of my concern, let them worry it", hasn't got the attitude it takes for top leadership. Seeing the company interest as identical with our own. Probably only a very few people working in large companies have a sincere, unselfish interest in the company. But after all, only a relatively few persons qualify as big thinkers.
- Big thinkers do not get bogged down by trivial details or small failings. They learn to keep moving forward, keeping their eyes on the overall objective.
What causes quarells - Little, petty thinking causes arguments so let us eliminate petty thinking. Before complaning, accusing, reprimanding, counter attack in self defense, ask "Is it really important enough for me to get all worked up about". This question works like magic! Keep focus on the big objective while working with employees, marriage, neighbours
What does it to make a good speech - Knowledge of what we are going to talk abiut and an intense desire to tell it to other people as well as a burning desire for other people to hear it. Not letting your mind go over trivial thoughts about standing position, arm position, grammatical mistake but focus over the important task of delivering the speech. Don't fall in the triviality trap while making speeches, solving problems, think of things that really matter - things that make a difference. Don't become submerged under surface issues. Concentrate on important things.
- Big thinkers don't Short Sell - One of the biggest weakness is to sell ourselves short! We are truly bigger than we think! A assessment of our strengths and weaknesses with those we consider sucessful/failure will help us to know how truly big we are and this will be reflected in everything that we do.

How to Think and Dream Creatively
Creative thinking is nothing other than finding new and improved ways to do something. Success in any endeavor is dependent upon using creative thinking to discover these improved ways; And as with confidence, it can be learned.
Schwartz offers six steps to develop and strengthen our creative thinking ability:
Step 1: Believe it can be done. This is pretty self-explanatory. In order for us to do anything, we first must believe it can be done. Once we have that belief, it sets the mind in motion to find ways to accomplish it and paves the way for creative solutions. Belief releases creative powers. Disbelief puts the brakes on them. Eliminate the word "impossible" from vocabulary to help develop creative power through belief. "Man belongs where man wants to go"
Step 2: Don’t get paralyzed by tradition. Too many of us think that something cannot change because that’s the way it always has been and always will be. Instead, experiment. Be open to new ideas. Try out new ways of doing the same thing. Be progressive in all that we do. "Nothing grows on ice. If we let tradition freeze our minds, new ideas can't sprout" Be an experimental person. Break up fixed routines. Do something new - develop interest in distribution if in manufacturing
Step 3: Ask yourself daily, “How can I do better?” Self-improvement in all areas of life come when we ask ourselves this question and take the time to listen to what our mind presents to us. Absolute perfection in all human undertakings from building missiles to rearing children is unattainable. This means there is always room for improvement. Successful people know this and they are always searching for better way. . The successful person doesn't asks "Can I do it better?" they ask "How can I do it better?". Try to implement a weekly improvement program. All during the week make notes about ideas to improve at work, home. Every monday, set aside hours to review and prioritize ideas to be implemented". Each day in the mornings ask Qs "How can I do a better job today?", "What can I do to encourage my employees?", "How can I increase my personal efficiency?", "What can I do to improve my relationships at work, home?".
Step 4: Ask yourself, “How can I do more?” Asking this type of question forces the mind to figure out ways to find intelligent short-cuts. Capacity is a state of mind. How much we can do depends on how much we think we can do. When we really think we can do more, our mind thinks creatively and shows us the way.
Step 5: Practice asking and listening. Take advantage of leveraging others’ knowledge. Encorage others to talk. Test your own views. Listen to other's views. Successful people make profit by exposing ideas to other intelligent people.
Step 6: Associate and surround yourself with people who can help you to think of new ideas and new ways of doing things. Be part of professional group that provides stimulation in your own occupational area. Joining a group outside occupational interests helps to broaden thinking. A oak tree produces enough acorns to populate a good sized forest; yet only one or two acorns become trees the rest don't survive the hard ground, squirrels. The same is true with ideas if we are not on gaurd, the -ve thinking people(squirrels) will destroy them. Ideas require special handling from the time they are born till implemented.

You Are What You Think You Are
If you look around you, you might observe that some people command confidence, loyalty and admiration while others do not. If you look closer, the most respect are also the most successful. Why is that? Well, according to Schwartz, it can be distilled into one word: thinking. Thinking makes it so. Others see in us what we see in ourselves and we receive what we think we deserve.

If you think you are less than someone else, you are. For thinking dictates action. If you feel inferior, you’ll act that way and no amount of bluffing will be able to hide it for long. If you feel you’re not important, you’re not. It’s as simple as that.

On the other hand, when you think you are important, when you really think so; then others will think so too. It really comes down to this: “How you think determines how you act. How you act in turn determines: How others react to you.”

To gain respect of others, we must first think we deserve respect. And the more respect we have for ourselves, the more respect others will have for us.

Look important - it helps you think important . Our appearence talks and ensure it says positive things about you. Never leave home without feeling certain you look like the kind of person you want to be. Use clothing to lift your spirits build confidence. A psychology professor gave advice to students on last minute preps for final examination. "Dress up for the exam. Have your dress pressed. Shine your shoes. Look sharp becuase it will help you think sharp." Our physical exterior affects our mental interior. How you look on the outside affects how you think anf feel on the inside. An executive feels more like an executive if he is dressed like one. Our appearence talks to us and also to others. It helps determine what others think of us. In theory, it's pleasent to hear that people should look at man's intellect, not his clothes. People do evaluate on the basis of appearence. Our appearence is the first basis for evaluation other people have. And first impressions last, out of all proportion to the time it takes to form them. We look at some people and respond with "Hey Mac" and respond with "Yes Sir" attitude.

Think your job is important Job thinking tells a lot about a person and his potential for larger responsibility. How impotant a applicant thinks his present job is - even though there would be something that he doesn't likes - becomes an important considereation while recruitment as the applicant will take the pride to the next job too. Like appearence, the way we think about our work says things about us to superioirs, associates, sub-ordinates - infact everyone with whom you come in contact. Think, I am important. I do have what it takes. I am a first class performer. My work is important. Think about ways to make business better and progress faster - expect to be given a chance to present and implement ideas. A person who thinks his job is important, receives mental signals on how to do his job better. And a better job means more promotions, money, prestige and happiness. The way we think about our job determines how our subordiantes think towards their jobs. Think enthusiastically and show positive attitude, your sub-ordinates will pick-up the right thinking. Ask "Am I worthy in every respect of being imitated?" "Are all my habbits that I would like to see in my subordinates?".

Practice uplifting self-praise rather than belittling self-punishment. Build your own "sell yourself on yourself" commercial.
www.professorprosperity.com/2008/07/how_to_write_personal_aspiration_statments/
Tom Staley, meet Tom Staley - an important, a really important person.
Tom, you’re a big thinker, so thing big.
Think big about Everything.
You’ve got plenty of ability to do a first-class job, so do a first-class job.
Tom you believe in Happiness, Progress, and Prosperity.
So: talk only Happiness, talk only progress, talk only prosperity.
You have lots of drive, Tom, lots of drive.
So put that drive to work. Nothing can stop you, Tom, nothing.
Tom, you’re enthusiastic. Let you enthusiasm show through.
You look good, Tom, and you feel good. Stay that way.
Tom Staley, you were a great fellow yesterday, and you’re going to be an even greater fellow today. Now go to it, Tom. Go forward.”
Practice commercial loud in private at least once a day. It helps a lot to do this before a mirror. Repeat commercial forcefully with determination. Make blood travel faster through body. Get warmed up. Read it before tackling anything that demands courage. Read it every time you fell let-down.

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In all of life's situations ask yourelf, "Is this the way an important person thinks?" Then obey the answer.
1) Situation - When I worry
Ask Yourself - Would an important person worry about this? Would the most successful person I know be disturbed by this?
2) Situation - An idea
Ask Yourself - What would an important person do if he had this idea?
3) Situation - My appearance
Ask Yourself - Do I look like someone who has maximum self-respect?
4) Situation - My Language
Ask Yourself - Am I using the language of successful people?
5) Situation - What I read
Ask Yourself - Would an important person read this?
6) Situation - Conversation
Ask Yourself - Is this something succesful people would discuss?
7) Situation - When I lose my temper
Ask Yourself - Would an important person get mad at what I'm mad at?
8) Situation - My jokes
Ask Yourself - Is this the kind of joke an important person would tell?
9) Situation - My job or business
Ask Yourself - How does an important person descrive his job to others?

Manage Your Environment: Go First Class
Just as what we eat is reflected in the state of our bodies, what food we choose to feed our minds has just as powerful an effect on our thoughts, habits, attitudes, and personality. The food for our minds that Schwartz is referring to here is our environment.

It’s hard to deny it. Our environment shapes us, and makes us think the way we do. For example, prolonged exposure and association to negative people makes us in turn think negatively. Associating ourselves with people who think big will raise our level of thinking. Our success is largely dependent upon what and who we choose to surround ourselves with.

So when choosing friends, select those who are interested in positive things; friends who really want to see you succeed and willingly encourage you in your plans and ideals. Find those who have common goals and desires, having a support system makes all the difference when your own motivation is in the slumps. Find friends who breathe encourgaement into plans and ideals. If we select petty thinkers as your close friends, we 'll gradually develop into petty thinkers ourselves.

Make Your Attitudes Your Allies
Communication is a lot more than just the words we choose to speak. Someone may say one thing but you know that they mean something entirely different. This is what Schwartz means by ‘attitude.’ To understand someone’s attitude, we don’t listen for the words but instead discover it through expressions, voice tones and inflections. When our attitude is right, our abilities reach a maximum of effectiveness and good results inevitably follow. Need to make the following three attitudes allies in everything we do:
The attitude of I’m activated - To be activated is another way of saying you are enthusiastic about what you’re doing. To get enthusiastic about anything - people, places, things - dig into it deeper. If you ever hope to get someone else excited about something you must first be excited about it yourself. Results come in proportion to enthusiasm applied.
The attitude of You are important - Every person in the world has the desire to feel important. The desire to be important is man's strongest, most compelling non-biological hunger. Headlines that produce sales read like "Persons with distinctive tastes", "You want only the best", "Be the envy of everyone". If we can consciously and genuinely make others feel important, the world is our oyster. Customers will buy more, employees will work harder, others will cooperate more, and boss will do more to help you. Treating someone as second-class will never get us first-class results. Share praise. Don't hog it as when you share praise sub-ordiantes will know we sincerely appreciate their value. Never let anyone feel he is taken for granted. Appreciate everyone's contribution and how much it is important.
The attitude of Service first - We all understand that money is necessary for our survival. Without money we can’t buy the food, clothing, shelter and other things we need. We can’t fully help the poor or enrich our families lives. Money, then, is a desirable objective. However, putting “money-first” in our minds does not increase money. The seed of money is in fact, service. If you have an attitude of putting service first — always giving people more than they expect to get — you’ll create wealth. Put service first and money will take care of itself.

Think Right Toward People
Success depends on the support of other people. The only hurdle between what we want to be is the support of other. Salesmen depend on people to buy their product, writers depend on people to read what they are writing, and politicians depend on people to vote for them. If success is dependent upon other people’s support, how do we get others to support us then?
The answer can be summed up on one phrase, think right toward people. Schwartz relates former President Lyndon Johnson’s ten-point formula from to help you do this:
- Learn to remember names. Inefficiency at this point may indicate that your interest is not sufficiently outgoing.
- Be a comfortable person so there is no strain in being with you. Be an old-shoe, old-hat kind of individual.
- Acquire the quality of relaxed easy-going so that things do not ruffle you.
Don’t be egotistical. Guard against the impression that you know it all.
- Cultivate the quality of being interesting so people will get something of value from their association with you.
- Study to get the “scratchy” elements out of your personality, even those of which you may be unconscious.
- Sincerely attempt to heal, on an honest Christian basis, ever misunderstanding you have had or now have. Drain off your grievances.
- Practice liking people until you learn to do so genuinely.
- Never miss an opportunity to say a word of congratulation upon anyone’s achievement, or express sympathy in sorrow or disappointment.
- Give spiritual strength to people, and they will give genuine affection to you.

We need to improve the "likeability" factor as it is more important than "technical" factor. Being likeable makes it easier to succeed. Sucess is guaranteed if have mastered the technique of thinking only good thoughts about people. Adhere to the suggestions
- Recognize the fact that no person is perfect. Some people are more nearly perfect than others, but no man is absolutely perfect. The most human quality about human beings is that they make mistakes, all kinds of them.
- Recognize the fact that the other fellow has a right to be different. Never play god about anything. Never diskike people because of their habbits are different from your own or because they prefer different clothes, religion, parties etc We don't have to approve of what another fellow does but we must not dislike him for doing it.
- Don't be a reformer. Put a little more "live-and-let-live" into philosohphy. Most people intensely dislike being told "you're wrong". We have right to our opinion but sometimes it is better to keep it to ourselves.
- Recognize how dull it would be if all people were alike and everybody was perfect
- Recognize no person is all good and no person is all bad. The perfect person doesn't exist
- Recognnize that if we let our thinking go uncontrolled, we can find much to dislike in almost anyone. By the same, token, if we manage our thinking properly, if we think right toward people, we can find many qualities to like and admire in the same person
- Recognize that the person who does the most talking and the person who is the most successful is rarely the same person. Encourage others to talk. Listen and Learn
- Recognize that courtsey practiced in every relationship is the finest tranquilizer that can be used. No commercial preparation is 1/10 as effective in relaxing as the little things done for other people. Thinking right towards people removes frusterations and stress.
- Recognize the real test for thinking right towards people comes when things don't go exactly the way we want. How we feel when we are passed up for promotion? Or When criticized for job done. Dont blame others for setback. How we think when we lose will determine how long it will be until until we win!

Get the Action Habit
There is plenty of room at the top. There are many almost qualified people, but there is one success ingredient often missing. The abiity to get things done to get results. Prinicipal Executives looking for a key person demand answers to questions like "Will he do the job?", "Will he follow through?", "Is he a self-starter?", "Can he get results or is he just a talker?"

Ideas and thinking about something is not enough. Everything that we have in this world, from ships to skyscrapers to baby food, is just an idea acted upon.

If you take a comparative study of successful and average people, you’ll find that they fall into two classes. The successful are ones who are active. The average, the mediocre, the unsuccessful are passive. The active person does. The passive person is going to do but doesn’t

The test of a successful person is not an ability to eliminate all problems before they arise, but to meet and work out difficulties when they do arise. We must be willing to make an intelligent compromise with perfection lest we wait forever before taking actions. We can’t wait for everything to be 100 percent favorable before we take action. Most things that really mean anything require some leap of faith. Sure, perfection is highly desirable but hoping for the perfect set of conditions is to hope forever.

Make up your mind to do something with your ideas other than simply dreaming more about them. Ideas are important. We need to have ideas to create or improve anything. But ideas in and of themselves are not enough. Ideas only have value when acted upon.

People that get things done don't wait for the spirit to move them. Rather than thinking about the unpleasent features of the task, jump right in and get going without lot of deliberation so that you can return to tasks that you love to do

Now is the magic word of success, Tomorrow, next week, later, sometime, someday often are synonyms for the failure word, never.

Initiative is the special kind of action. Its doing something wort-while without being told to do it. The person with initiative has a standing invitation to join the high-income brackets in every business and profession. To develop the initiative habit
- Be a crusader. If there is something that we believe ought to be done, pick up the ball and run.
- Be a volunteer. Sometimes we don't vounteer due to be the fear of being laughed at, of being called an eager beaver, of being accused of bucking for a raise. It's natural to want to belong, to be accepted, to have group approval. But asking "Which group do I want to be accepted by the jealous group or progressive group" will help us with the choice. Volunteer for special assignments.

How to Turn Defeat Into Victory
It is not possible to win high level success without meeting opposition, hardship, setback. It is possible to use setback to propel us forward. Defeat is only a state of mind - nothing more.

Civil Aeronautics Administration studies setbacks to pave the way to safer air travel. Doctors use setbacks to pave the way to better health and longer life by using information provided in post mortem. Everyone follows the success principle : Salvage something from every setback

The difference between success and failure is found in your attitude towards setbacks, handicaps, and other disappointing situations. Here are five ways to turn defeat into victory:
- Learn from prior mistakes. When you have a setback, learn why it didn’t work, readjust, and then go on to win next time.
- Don’t just beat yourself up. Learn to be your own constructive critic. Look for your faults and weaknesses not with the intention of putting yourself down but to correct them. This is what being a “professional” is all about. Blaming others is destructive. We gain absolutely nothing from "proving" that someone else is wrong
- Stop blaming luck. This is a cop-out. Instead, research why something went wrong. Blaming luck will never get you where you want to go, it’s only another form of ‘excusitis.’
- Mix up persistence with experimentation. Try to stick to your goal but at the same time, if the route you’re taking isn’t getting you anywhere, try a new approach. Experiment. There’s no sense in banging your head against a wall.
- Remember that there is always something good about every situation. Look for it. This will keep discouragement at bay and help you to learn from all experiences.

Use Goals to Help You Grow
Goals are as essential to success as air to life. The important thing is not where you were or where you are but where you want to go.

A goal is more than a wish or dream. It is a dream acted upon. Without goals, people just wander through life without direction or purpose. Goals are essential to success as air is to life.

Not only do goals give you a sense of purpose and direction, they also give you energy. Energy increases and multiplies when you set a desired goal and resolve to work toward that goal. By surrendering yourself to your desires, and letting yourself become obsessed with a goal, you receive the physical power, energy, and enthusiasm needed to accomplish it.

Like the progressive corporation, plan ahead. We are in a sense a business unit. Out talent, skills, abilities are our products. We want to develop our products so they command the highest possible price.

Schwartz uses the common approach to goals. That is plan where you want to be 10 years from now but work on that plan month by month. Define a plan for how you want life to be 10yrs from now in work, home and social areas. The three department of life are closely related. Each depends on other to some extend. But the one department which has most influence over other department is work.
1) Work
· What income do you desire in ten years?
· What level of responsibility do you look for?
· What prestige does seek from your work or business?
2) Home
· What level of standard do you aspire to?
· What kind of residence do you want to provide for yourself and your family?
· What kind and where will be your next vacation?
· What level of income will you give away to charity?
3) Social
· What kind of friends do you desire to have?
· What social groups do want to join with?
· What community position do you look to hold?
· What worthwhile cause do you want to be champion of?

30 Day Implementation Guide
What not to do?
1) Putting things off till tomorrow
2) Negative language
3) Watching television for more then 60 minutes per day.
4) Gossip
Obtain those habits.
1) Examine your appearance each and every morning.
2) Plan your day's work a day before.
3) Complement people on every opportunity.
Increase value in your work place
1) Do a better jog for your employer
2) Learn more about the company you work for.
3) Make number of suggestions to assist your companies' production.
Increase your value at home
1) Show appreciation to you wife and the family each time they do something for you.
2) Do something special one a month for your family.
3) Set time aside each day to give you loved one each day.
Sharpen your mind
1) Invest two hours per week reading professional magazines or a book in your field.
2) Read one self help book.
3) Make four new friends.
4) Spend 30 minutes daily in quite undisturbed thinking

Invest in education. Real education, the kind of worth investing in, is that which develops and cultivates your mind. How well-educated a person is measuered by how well his mind is developed-in brief how well he thinks.

The most important qualification for an executive is the sheer decide to go ahead. John Wanamaker said "A man is not doing much until the cause he works for possesses all there is of him". Desire when harnessed is power. Failure to follow desite, to do what you want to do most, paves the way for mediocrity.

Surrender to goals. Let them posses us and give us the automatic instrumentation we need to reach the goal.

Use goals to live longer. No medicine in the world is a powerfule in bringing about life as is the desire to do something.

Evaluate everything you do with the question, "Will this help take me where I want to go?"

How to Think Like A Leader
Remember that achieving high-level success requires the cooperation and support of others. And gaining support from others requires the ability to lead. To help you in this ability, Schwartz offers four leadership rules or principles that can cause others to do things for us in the executive suite, in business, in social clubs, in the home, or anywhere else we may find people:
- Trade minds with the people you want to influence. Here’s the key: To get others to do what you want them to do you must learn to see through their eyes. Truly “walking in their shoes” will unlock the secret of how to influence others.
- Think: What is the human way to handle this? People have all different approaches to leading others. One way is to assume the role of dictator, making all decisions without consulting those affected and not listening to subordinates. Dictators don’t last long. Sooner or later unrest begins to happen and their subordinates begin to leave. Another technique of leadership is the cold, mechanical, “I’m-a-rule-book operator” approach. This type of leader does everything exactly according to the book. He fails to understand the spirit of the law and ends up treating his subordinates as machines. This cold, impersonal efficiency alienates his subordinates and fails to ever inspire them. The leader who manages to have tremendous success and results with his followers is the leader who makes them feel human. This type of leader genuinely thinks that everyone under his stewardship is both important and needed in the organization. This builds respect and trust and forms the foundation whereupon they can be inspired and motivated.
- Think progress, believe in progress, push for progress. To develop a progressive mindset, follow these two maxims: Think improvement in everything you do and think high standards in everything you do. Those who are constantly looking to expand, make things more efficient, develop new products and processes, and increase prosperity will naturally develop a following. People tend to follow after those who think, believe and push for progress.
- Take time out to confer with yourself. Like machines, we require a period of maintenance and a “tuning-up.” Check the lives of the great religious leaders like moses, jesus, buddha, mohammed spent time in solitude - away from distractions of life. Many people fail to tap their creative leadership power because they confer with everybody and everything except themselves. This is best accomplished when you take time out in managed solitude. In other words, find a moment every week where you can — in solitude — spend some time just thinking. This is a tool that all great users use. Use this time to confer with yourself, to discover solutions to personal and business problems, and generally tap into a higher consciousness that only solitude and moments of quiet can bring.