Friday, May 9, 2008

Ask - Azara Feroz Sayed

"I made less money than I was worth, laughed at jokes I didn't understand and never raised my hand in class. I accepted too many things without questioning authority"

"I had settled for less than the best of everything - mediocre seats at plays and drafty seats at restaurants. Cold or badly prepared food was never sent back. I settled for substandard rooms in hotels. I accepted shoddy workmanship and poor performance. I was afraid to return or exchange. I rarely, if ever, asked a sales clerk to help me find something I was looking for"

All I had to was Ask!

These are the words from the book "The Aladdin Factor" by Jack Canfield and Mark Vicor Hansen. The Chicken Soup for the Soul guys. For some reason I am not a fan of the Chicken Soup Series. Came accross this book as a must read book and took the dip and it was worth it!

Isn't Asking so much important to take our life where we want. The 'more than needed' examples in the book drive the importance of 'Asking'

Who to Ask
- Ask a higher power for help, guidance, mentoring. This could be someone more knowledgeable or for that matter of fact God. Mother Theresa asked God for help in fulfilling her dream to build a orphanage with three pennies! Don't our religious books say in many forms something similar to, 'Ask and you shall receive'
- Ask yourself questions that can change yourself. Aren't we making choices (gap between stimulus and response) all the time. Asking questions will help us make better choices, make improvements to our mission statement, goals.
- Ask the people in the world for Friendship, Discounts, Interest Rate, Knowledge, Love, Help for improving our living in form of clean cities, more secured place to stay. The book talks about this and I can vouch for it - ask a librarian. I am told we can call the library for any help that we need like what time it would be in London now etc It is part of the public service that most library provide. I wasn't aware about interlibrary loan till I asked a librarian for ordering a book. I feel so much valued when I receive a book from far distant places. The 'Peopleware' book was brought for me from a library in Louisiana.
- Ask at work. Ask for oppurtunities to succeed, for excellence, for feedback, for raise, for referrals, for appreciation
- Ask at home. Ask for hugs, tenderness, intimacy, help, acknowledgement, appreciation

Below is the summary of the book from
The author says growing from indenpendence to inter-dependence is not possible without asking!

What inhibits us from Asking?

  1. Ignorance
    • We don't know what is available and possible
    • We don't know how to ask

  2. Limiting and Inaccurate Beliefs
    • Programming
      • We are programmed by our parents
      • We are programmed at school
      • We are programmed by the media
      • We are conditioned by religious training
      • We are programmed by "experts"

    • Limiting Beliefs
      • If you really loved me, I wouldn't have to ask
      • The world is not a responsive place
      • My success will deprive someone else
      • If I get what I want, it will make me unhappy

  3. Fear
      • Fear of Rejection
      • Fear of Looking Stupid
      • Fear of Being Powerless
      • Fear of Humiliation
      • Fear of Punishment
      • Fear of Abandonment
      • Fear of Endless Obligation

  4. Low Self-Esteem
    • Happy to be wanted by anybody
    • A feeling of unworthiness
    • My needs are not important
    • I am not worth it
    • The fear that rejection will confirm some deep-seated core belief about myself.

  5. Pride
    • I'm afraid to appear less weak and needy.
    • Fear that people will judge me for not already having it.
    • We are programmed in pride.
    • We are supposed to be able to figure it out by ourselves

7 Characteristics of Askers
  1. They know what they want.
  2. They believe they are worthy of receiving it.
  3. They believe they can get it.
  4. They are passionate about it.
  5. They take action in the face of fear.
  6. They learn from their experience.
  7. They are persistent.

How to know what to ask for?
  1. Make a list of 101 wishes
  2. Clarify your vision
  3. Complete the perfect day fantasy
  4. Complete the "I Want" process
  5. Stretch Your Imagination
  6. Visualize your dream
  7. Create your dream

How To Ask?
  • Ask as if you expect to get it.
    • Ask with a positive expectation
    • See it the way you want it to be
    • Ask with conviction
    • Assume you can

  • Ask someone who can give it to you
    • Realize that some people aren't capable of delivering
    • Ask someone whose business it is to know
    • Ask people who are qualified and motivated to help
    • Ask the experts
    • Reconsider who is an expert
    • Get the person's full attention

  • Be clear and specific
    • Be specific in your requests
    • Be careful what you ask for
    • Ask for what you want, not for what you don't want
    • It is possible to be too specific

  • Ask from your heart
    • Ask with passion
    • Ask with urgency and passion
    • Ask with eye contact
    • Ask in a kind voice
    • Ask politely
    • Ask with respect and admiration

  • Ask with humour and creativity
    • Ask with humour
    • Ask creatively

  • Give in order to get
    • Give something to get something
    • You have to give to get
    • Give a gift
    • Give compliments or praise
    • Explain what's in it for them
    • Tell your partner how it beneifts him or her

  • Ask repeatedly
    • Just say NEXT!
    • Look forward to the no's
    • Ask the same people again and again
    • Be tenacious, persevere, never give up

  • How to deal with resistance
    • Don't lose your cool
    • Don't create resistance
    • Ask with authority and be prepared for a no
    • A no may be a blessing in disguise
    • Be gracious in accepting a no

    • Don't burn your bridges.


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