Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Parent v/s Child - Azara Feroz Sayed

In one of the brain builders, Marilyn Vos Sant, talks about how lack of perspective by parents contributes to the change in Parent Child relationship from kid to a teenager and beyond.

When children are small, their parents tend to think that everything that comes out of their rosebud mouths is adorable, intelligent, precious and worth repeating endlessly. The years roll by, and the kids get older. Suddently thier parents no longer think they are budding geniuses. Parents tend to treat children as they know nothing! Does famililarity breeds contempt?

Due to lack of perspective, they still perceive you as a child but since you do not continue to do childish things, they don't find you cute anymore. Even when you are an adult, parents still see you as their child, but see other adults as they are! (even though those other adults are seen as children by their parents). It produces rage to see your parents accepting statements and opinions of others while degrading your own. If you pass off a statement of your own as coming from someone else, they may very well nod their acceptance!

Is that the reason so many people "leave home", moving from the cities or areas in which they were born - searching for the respect they can't get from "thier people" while they know they can get it from strangers.

Will it be OK if we treat family members more impersonally as we would business associates. We wouldn't expect a client or fellow-worker to respect our opinion if we presented it in our nightgown. When we say "Mom", "Dad", we ask for babying, not respect!

Not to be emotional with parents as we wouldn't be with a client or co-worker is important too - to earn respect for our ideas!

We exhibit self confidence with our business associates extending it to parents will help in earning parent's respect and also better managing our concern if they really do or not!

Seeing ourself from the eyes of a loved one, co-worker, employers helps to gain perspective of the relationship. As we view yourself through other's eyes, we begin to learn how to escape the labels that others have pinned on us, and more importantly, labels thar we have unconciously pinned on ourself by snippets of personal behavior that are out of place. Example wearing a ribbon bow is associated with being a little girl and not a mature responsible woman. Unconciously, others will label such a person as lighweight! If your work environment (desk with silly stuff) indicates you don't take yourself seriously nobody else will.

When we were getting to know each other and in my excitement I would get into long phone calls with Feroz at work - Feroz would stop me and ask him to call before or after work. He insists on dressing with dignity and exhibiting behavior at work for people to take you seriously.


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